Get Ta Lickin'

Ever wonder what the back of your favorite Lost stars heads taste like? Well wonder no longer. Starting this fall, you will be able to find out. Here's the first set of four to be released by the USPS. Who ya gonna lick first?

Awards are always given out on Sundays

Well, it appears that the furor over the "Losties" awards has been hot and heavy. Just look at what happened to Josh Halloway when he was trying to campaign for votes in the best actor category: It looks like he took quite a beating. We tried to reach him for comment and we did receive a prepared statement concerning this matter. He said, and I quote, "Son of a bitch!" Now without further ado lets get inside so as to see all the drama of the presentations as it unfolds. If we can just pass by these people real quick, we gotta hurry, I think I hear the first award being presented. Excuse us, coming through.
Damn seat fillers. I wonder what the first award is going to be? On the Oscars the first award is always pretty big so as to catch your attention early. Something like best supporting actor or something. Hey look, I didn't know he was hosting this year. "Waaaa aaa aaa aaaltttttt!"
So that means he will actually be at the awards show longer than he was on the show this entire season. He's announcing the first award. Oh, the envelopes look cool:
It's the award for Favorite Other. And the winner is: Richard Alpert. It was a close race between Juliet and Richard but I think all the lying cost Juliet this one. Besides we gotta give it to him he's like 100 or something.

The next award is for Worst Episode. (yep, just like the Oscars) The award go to: Stranger in a strange land. Holy crap was this episode bad. When the first line of the show is "Doctor Jack want soda?" you know it's gonna be awful! The only saving grace this episode had for it was "Phuket" is just a funny word.

Now we go on to the award for Best Character Flashback. This one was close folks, almost too close to call but one did manage to squeak out a victory. That one was Locke. With three flashbacks total for this season, we got the most info on his back story. The Brig was one of the best episodes of the season (or was it the best? hmmmm I wonder?), The Man From Talahassee answered the nearly three year long question of why Locke was in the wheelchair, and in Further Instructions the flashback was better than the on island parts. Plus he was living at a commune where they grew weed. That my friend is a flashback!

On to most hated character. Although there was a late surge in votes for Mikhail (that surge might have been from the fence actually. A ha!) it still wasn't enough to over take Ben in what might be the biggest landslide victory of the season. Oh, it looks like his awards a little bit damaged, screw it, we don't like him anyway.

Next we have a double award. Kate and Sayer win both the Favorite Couple (although Claire and Charlie was a close second and they also win Best On Screen Chemistry (also a close race, this time just nudging out Locke and Ben). Wonder if we can get one of those love bird swan statues for them to commemorate the double win?

Worst New Character was a tie until ten minute before the show started. Moments ago Kiele Sanchez (the actress that played Nikki) allowed us to see a certain part of her body and then after we "dirtied" her up (see her last name for a hint as to how we did that!) the winner is Paulo. Paulo couldn't be here this evening because he's still up to his eyeballs in sand. Screw him to, we hated him more than Ben.

Funniest Hurley line was also very close but it was the radio message he sent to the Others. Either way, Hurley is a great character. "You, sir, are rotund." -Sawyer.

The award for Best Literary Reference goes to (I think just like the Oscars this is were it gets a little boring, I'm going out for a Cosmo and a slash.) This one was also very close. On the surface Alice In Wonderland should win, however throw in several nuances as I pointed out in a previous blog, The Wizard of Oz barely wins. We have The Man Behind the Curtain obvious reference. We also saw the red shoes getting crushed in Flashes Before Your Eyes. They are, like I said the obvious references but lets look at some of the less obvious ones: Australia is nicknamed "Oz". The island itself is "somewhere over the rainbow", Goodwin (the Other killed by Anna Lucia in season 2) is the name of the wizard in the Russian translation of Baum's book. Tom is originally called Zeke by Sawyer, Zeke was the name of a farmhand in the original. Not In Portland hearkens back to when Dorothy tells Toto "We're not in Kansas anymore." Afterwards, Juliet continually states "I want to go home.", also something Dorothy did.

OK, some real quick awards to give out before we get to some big ones. Here's who won while I a out getting a drink and letting the last one go:

Best Answer was (although this was suspected for some time) - Cooper is the original Sawyer.

Most Underused Character - goes to what's her name, er, I mean Danielle. I have a feeling we are going to be seeing more of her in season 4.

Best New Character - in the second biggest landslide of the night (Richard was a distant second) Juliet walks away with it. It was probably all of the lying or something.

Best Death Scene - was a surprise (I think the voters were confused and they mixed up "I'm so glad they are dead!" with "Damn, that was a good death scene!") the winners were Nikki and Paulo. And yes, I'm glad they are dead a well. Here's a little tidbit of info for you to show that the producers of Lost actually do listen to the fans, occasionally. In the original plans for the series, N + P were supposed to live through season 3 and meet their demise in season 4. The plans were for there to be a complete Nikki flashback where we didn't know she was filming a show called Expose until the end of the episode and for a separate Paulo episode where at the end of that one they show their plan for the rich director they end up killing for money. Both of those were supposed to happen this past season. The third flashback was to be their death episode but because we hated them so much they shortened it and got rid of them in one episode. If not for that decision, Charlie would have won in a landslide.

Now on to the big ones:

Best Episode was the biggest landslide of the night. Through the Looking Glass wasn't just the best of the season, it is the best of the show period.

Best Actress: Oh, what to do, what to do? It's obviously a two horse race, now isn't it? We have Evvie and Lizzy. Lizzy did a nude lesbian scene in Gia, Evvie did phone sex commercials. Edge - Lizzy. Lizzy is married to some no named stand up comedian, Evvie is engaged to Charlie. That's gotta be a push. Lizzy plays a character who was a good person until she came to the island where she began to lie, cheat, steal, and kill just to get by; on the other hand, Evvie plays a character who lied, cheated, stole, and killed before she came to the island since then, not so much. Edge - Evvie. Lizzy managed to steal a kiss from Jack before going back to the beach with Sawyer; Evvie had mad, passionate, "Oh my god, you're gonna die in the morning so do me now!" sex with Sawyer before escaping and leaving Jack behind, it might have been in the rain too! Uh, Edge - Sawy .. I mean Evvie. Lizzy has blue eyes, long curly blond hair, and a very expressive face (for verification see the scene with Ben in his house when they talk about Juliet sisters cancer.) Evvie has long brown hair, buck teeth, looks like a guy in jeans from behind (see Par Avian for proof of this fact) and is a horse face. Since I originally said this was a two horse race I guess that means - Edge - Evvie. As we tabulate we see that Evangeline Lilly is the lovely winner of the Best Actress award.

Favorite Character honors goes to Sawyer. That hair, those dimples, that glistening sweaty chest, that accent. The wise cracks, the nicknames, and the best one liners on TV today all add up to Sawyer. Son of a bitch.

Which leaves us with Best Actor. If you show me this entire past season and leave out the season finale, Michael Emerson would be my hands down winner. In fact when I originally made the nominations, in the back of my mind I saw him wining. I went back and watched the season finale again and because of that Matthew Fox wins. Unbelievable as it is. One of the characters I could usually care less about made me like him. I can feel his anger at Ben. I can feel his desperation in the flash forward. I cheered when he beat Ben to a pulp. I was sorry for his pain in the hallways of the hospital and I was pissed at Sara for treating him the way she did. For once, Matthew Fox showed me something. "Foxxie" might not be the best looking, the funniest, or even the best character on the show, but this season, Jack was in da house. Or on da island. Whatever.

Well, there they are. All the winners. Oh, I have some live backstage reactions to the awards. Apparently when Matthew Fox was awarded Best Actor, Josh Halloway left saying and I quote "Son of a bitch." Well, there's always next year. Who knows, maybe you can be nominated for best death next year. With this show, we never know.

Adendum

OK, so just to clarify some things, yes you may vote if'n ya wanna. You don't have to choose from the list of nominees, you can always do a write-in vote. Now for the clarification on some of the nominees -

Isabel is the Other that says to Jack while he is in the cage that his tattoos are ironic. She's the older blond (gray?) haired lady played by Diana Scarwid.

Pickett was the Other that ran the work detail, had major issues with Sawyer, even bigger issues with Juliet, especially after she shot him on the beach while he was trying to stop Kate and Sawyer from escaping.

Now for the episodes that are nominated;

Expose is the episode where we learn about Nikki and Paulo's back story and then they kinda die.

I Do is the first half of the season finale/cliff hanger in which we see Kate's wedding and then subsequent betrayal of her husband. On the island we see Jack concoct a plan after cutting Ben's kidney sac (I said sac) and of coarse the not as memorable of a moment as they wanted it to be when Jack yells into the radio "Dammit, Kate, Run!"

The Glass Ballerina the second episode of the season when we see what Sayid, Jin, and Sun are up to. As well as see what Sun was up to with the guy who was teaching her English. Wonder if he taught her the word "Bukkake"?

Stranger in a Strange Land This is the "How Jack got his tattoos" episode that was obviously nothing but filler because we really don't find out much about them. Only good to come from this episode is if you pronounce Phucket wrong it makes you giggle.

Flashes Before Your Eyes The Desmond episode where we find out he has weird premonitions, a side effect of turning the key in the hatch. We still don't know if he was thrown back in time or what exactly it was that happened. We also find out he has the ability to change the future by learning from is visions. But why the hell was he naked?

The Brig This episode we find out Cooper is the original "Sawyer" to which our Sawyer hands him the letter he has been carrying with him since his parents death. Cooper rips it up and Sawyer uses the chains aboard the Black Rock to strangle him to death. An homage to the Jabba the Hutt death in Star Wars.

Thorugh the Looking Glass C'mon, it was the last episode of the season, do I really have to go into an explanation of it?

The Man Behind the Curtain A much anticipated episode in which we see a young Ben when he first came to the island. An adult Ben kills his father as part of the "Purge" and we hear Jacob say "Help Me" and see him for four seconds. And then Locke ends up in the death pit as pictured above.

Hopefully that has helped in making your decisions. The results will be in soon.

The Nominations

Here is the complete list of categories and the nominees for the first annual Losties Awards (copy rite pending). Who will be going home with the coveted Crystal Swans? You gotta be nominated to have a chance and the ones that have a chance are: Favorite Character

Ben

Locke

Jack

Sawyer

Juliet

Worst Episode
Expose
I Do
The Glass Ballerina
Stranger In A Strange Land

Worst New Character
Pickett
Isabelle
Nikki
Naomi
Paulo

Best Actor
Matthew Fox
Terry O'Quinn

Josh Holloway
Micheal Emerson

Most Hated Character
Pickett
Ben
Juliet
Mikhail

Favorite Couple
Kate & Jack
Jack & Juliet
Kate & Sawyer
Rose & Bernard
Sun & Jin

Best On Screen Chemistry
Charlie and Hurley
Locke and Ben
Charlie and Desmond
Sawyer and Kate

Funnest Hurley Scene
Hurley greets a naked Desmond in the Jungle
Hurley sends message to Others over the radio
Hurley attacking the beach with the van
Hurley taking a knife in the canteen

Best Answer
How did Locke get in the wheelchair?
Is Jack and Claire related?
Is Cooper the original Sawyer?
What happened to the hatch and Desmond when it exploded?
Who are the Others?

Best Flashback

Jack

Ben

Juliet

Locke

Desmond

Best Episode
Flashes Before Your Eyes

The Brig

Through the Looking Glass

The Man Behind the Curtain

Most Underused Character(s)

Karl

Danielle

Alex

Richard

Rose & Bernard

Favorite Other

Tom

Juliet

Ben

Richard

Best New Character

Richard

Karl

Pickett

Juliet

Best Death Scene

Charlie

Eko

Tom

Cooper

Nikki & Paulo

Best Actress

Elizabeth Mitchell

Yoon Jin Kim

Evangeline Lilly

Emily de Raven

Worst Flashback

Sun & Jin

Kate

Jack

Nikki & Paolo

Best Literary Reference

Catch 22

Wizard of Oz

A Tale of Two Cities

Alice in Wonderland

Well, there they are, all 18 categories and the nominees for each category. Who will the winners be? We shall find out soon.

(Not) The Penguin Awards

It is with great pride and honor that we here at the Dharma(andGreg) Project in conjunction with Cerpts South Production announce the first annual Losties Awards . We are still gathering all the nominees for all of the categories in the running for the coveted Crystal Swan. Some of the categories include:

Favorite Character

Best Flashback

Best Death

Favorite Couple

Best Scene

Funniest Scene

And many others. Check back soon to this blog for further developments.