20 ways the world would be different if men ran things.
1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle,you'll get'em next time" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in vodka or schnapps flavors.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years
4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same although it would be celebrated 4 times a year.
5. Garbage would take itself out.
6. Regis and Kathie Lee (or who whoever his partner is this week) would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
7. The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".
8. Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps".
9. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
10. Two words... Free Sex.
11. Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again, ever.
12. Every man would get a real Get Out of Jail Free card per year.
13. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
14. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
15. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
16. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
17. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
18. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
19. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and land right in your car.
20. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
21. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
22. 21 would be an acceptable number even though you said 20 but thought of one more right before you posted your blog
1 comment:
OK you REALLY need to get over that Lost chick. She ain't even CLOSE to all that!
And a few observations on your list:
1. A smack to the ass is a lot more than SOME people get.
3. I vote for Valentine's Day to be moved to February 43rd so we can just forget about all this commercialized nonsense and get on with it.
6. I cry shenanigans. It doesn't matter whether men OR women rule the world -- that would STILL be the highest watched pay per view event.
11. Daisy Duke shorts are always in style. Whatever are YOU talking about, fool???
12. Every man DOES get a free get out of jail card -- every time he buys a bunch of those useless weeds um er flowers that the ladies seem to fall for hook, line and sinker. Ain't they silly? They should hold out for a new entertainment center instead of something we grabbed from the local cemetery.
13. What exactly are "telephones"?
16. And when she appears in that little box in the corner of your TV during commercials, you could be in the john!!!
17. I thought the proper response was "Whatever -- um, what's your name again?"
19. I fucking hate the Flintstones.
21. No -- Hallmark wouldn't exist AT ALL. Another worthless and shallow attempt to grab our money while making us "appear" like we're thoughtful.
22. "21 would be an acceptable number even though you said 20 but thought of one more right before you posted your blog" UM, ARE YOU GETTING INTO MATH HERE BECAUSE IF YOU ARE I'M LEAVIN'!
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