Awards are always given out on Sundays

Well, it appears that the furor over the "Losties" awards has been hot and heavy. Just look at what happened to Josh Halloway when he was trying to campaign for votes in the best actor category: It looks like he took quite a beating. We tried to reach him for comment and we did receive a prepared statement concerning this matter. He said, and I quote, "Son of a bitch!" Now without further ado lets get inside so as to see all the drama of the presentations as it unfolds. If we can just pass by these people real quick, we gotta hurry, I think I hear the first award being presented. Excuse us, coming through.
Damn seat fillers. I wonder what the first award is going to be? On the Oscars the first award is always pretty big so as to catch your attention early. Something like best supporting actor or something. Hey look, I didn't know he was hosting this year. "Waaaa aaa aaa aaaltttttt!"
So that means he will actually be at the awards show longer than he was on the show this entire season. He's announcing the first award. Oh, the envelopes look cool:
It's the award for Favorite Other. And the winner is: Richard Alpert. It was a close race between Juliet and Richard but I think all the lying cost Juliet this one. Besides we gotta give it to him he's like 100 or something.

The next award is for Worst Episode. (yep, just like the Oscars) The award go to: Stranger in a strange land. Holy crap was this episode bad. When the first line of the show is "Doctor Jack want soda?" you know it's gonna be awful! The only saving grace this episode had for it was "Phuket" is just a funny word.

Now we go on to the award for Best Character Flashback. This one was close folks, almost too close to call but one did manage to squeak out a victory. That one was Locke. With three flashbacks total for this season, we got the most info on his back story. The Brig was one of the best episodes of the season (or was it the best? hmmmm I wonder?), The Man From Talahassee answered the nearly three year long question of why Locke was in the wheelchair, and in Further Instructions the flashback was better than the on island parts. Plus he was living at a commune where they grew weed. That my friend is a flashback!

On to most hated character. Although there was a late surge in votes for Mikhail (that surge might have been from the fence actually. A ha!) it still wasn't enough to over take Ben in what might be the biggest landslide victory of the season. Oh, it looks like his awards a little bit damaged, screw it, we don't like him anyway.

Next we have a double award. Kate and Sayer win both the Favorite Couple (although Claire and Charlie was a close second and they also win Best On Screen Chemistry (also a close race, this time just nudging out Locke and Ben). Wonder if we can get one of those love bird swan statues for them to commemorate the double win?

Worst New Character was a tie until ten minute before the show started. Moments ago Kiele Sanchez (the actress that played Nikki) allowed us to see a certain part of her body and then after we "dirtied" her up (see her last name for a hint as to how we did that!) the winner is Paulo. Paulo couldn't be here this evening because he's still up to his eyeballs in sand. Screw him to, we hated him more than Ben.

Funniest Hurley line was also very close but it was the radio message he sent to the Others. Either way, Hurley is a great character. "You, sir, are rotund." -Sawyer.

The award for Best Literary Reference goes to (I think just like the Oscars this is were it gets a little boring, I'm going out for a Cosmo and a slash.) This one was also very close. On the surface Alice In Wonderland should win, however throw in several nuances as I pointed out in a previous blog, The Wizard of Oz barely wins. We have The Man Behind the Curtain obvious reference. We also saw the red shoes getting crushed in Flashes Before Your Eyes. They are, like I said the obvious references but lets look at some of the less obvious ones: Australia is nicknamed "Oz". The island itself is "somewhere over the rainbow", Goodwin (the Other killed by Anna Lucia in season 2) is the name of the wizard in the Russian translation of Baum's book. Tom is originally called Zeke by Sawyer, Zeke was the name of a farmhand in the original. Not In Portland hearkens back to when Dorothy tells Toto "We're not in Kansas anymore." Afterwards, Juliet continually states "I want to go home.", also something Dorothy did.

OK, some real quick awards to give out before we get to some big ones. Here's who won while I a out getting a drink and letting the last one go:

Best Answer was (although this was suspected for some time) - Cooper is the original Sawyer.

Most Underused Character - goes to what's her name, er, I mean Danielle. I have a feeling we are going to be seeing more of her in season 4.

Best New Character - in the second biggest landslide of the night (Richard was a distant second) Juliet walks away with it. It was probably all of the lying or something.

Best Death Scene - was a surprise (I think the voters were confused and they mixed up "I'm so glad they are dead!" with "Damn, that was a good death scene!") the winners were Nikki and Paulo. And yes, I'm glad they are dead a well. Here's a little tidbit of info for you to show that the producers of Lost actually do listen to the fans, occasionally. In the original plans for the series, N + P were supposed to live through season 3 and meet their demise in season 4. The plans were for there to be a complete Nikki flashback where we didn't know she was filming a show called Expose until the end of the episode and for a separate Paulo episode where at the end of that one they show their plan for the rich director they end up killing for money. Both of those were supposed to happen this past season. The third flashback was to be their death episode but because we hated them so much they shortened it and got rid of them in one episode. If not for that decision, Charlie would have won in a landslide.

Now on to the big ones:

Best Episode was the biggest landslide of the night. Through the Looking Glass wasn't just the best of the season, it is the best of the show period.

Best Actress: Oh, what to do, what to do? It's obviously a two horse race, now isn't it? We have Evvie and Lizzy. Lizzy did a nude lesbian scene in Gia, Evvie did phone sex commercials. Edge - Lizzy. Lizzy is married to some no named stand up comedian, Evvie is engaged to Charlie. That's gotta be a push. Lizzy plays a character who was a good person until she came to the island where she began to lie, cheat, steal, and kill just to get by; on the other hand, Evvie plays a character who lied, cheated, stole, and killed before she came to the island since then, not so much. Edge - Evvie. Lizzy managed to steal a kiss from Jack before going back to the beach with Sawyer; Evvie had mad, passionate, "Oh my god, you're gonna die in the morning so do me now!" sex with Sawyer before escaping and leaving Jack behind, it might have been in the rain too! Uh, Edge - Sawy .. I mean Evvie. Lizzy has blue eyes, long curly blond hair, and a very expressive face (for verification see the scene with Ben in his house when they talk about Juliet sisters cancer.) Evvie has long brown hair, buck teeth, looks like a guy in jeans from behind (see Par Avian for proof of this fact) and is a horse face. Since I originally said this was a two horse race I guess that means - Edge - Evvie. As we tabulate we see that Evangeline Lilly is the lovely winner of the Best Actress award.

Favorite Character honors goes to Sawyer. That hair, those dimples, that glistening sweaty chest, that accent. The wise cracks, the nicknames, and the best one liners on TV today all add up to Sawyer. Son of a bitch.

Which leaves us with Best Actor. If you show me this entire past season and leave out the season finale, Michael Emerson would be my hands down winner. In fact when I originally made the nominations, in the back of my mind I saw him wining. I went back and watched the season finale again and because of that Matthew Fox wins. Unbelievable as it is. One of the characters I could usually care less about made me like him. I can feel his anger at Ben. I can feel his desperation in the flash forward. I cheered when he beat Ben to a pulp. I was sorry for his pain in the hallways of the hospital and I was pissed at Sara for treating him the way she did. For once, Matthew Fox showed me something. "Foxxie" might not be the best looking, the funniest, or even the best character on the show, but this season, Jack was in da house. Or on da island. Whatever.

Well, there they are. All the winners. Oh, I have some live backstage reactions to the awards. Apparently when Matthew Fox was awarded Best Actor, Josh Halloway left saying and I quote "Son of a bitch." Well, there's always next year. Who knows, maybe you can be nominated for best death next year. With this show, we never know.