Tricia Tanaka Is Dead

...And Darren Daulton Is Insane!

Exactly when this happened I don't have a clue, but trust me, he is! And I got proof. First of all, perhaps I should back track and tell you (if you don't know) who he even is. In the late '90's Daulton or "Dutch" as he was called by his team mates was the catcher for the Phillies. Admittedly, he was pretty good eye candy as well, perhaps would still be even by today's standards. He was macho, funny, big, and a pretty good baseball player. During the Phillies World Series run of '93 he was one of the leaders of the teams clique "Macho Row". Macho Row also included the likes of Lenny Dykstra and John Kruk. They were the leaders of the team. They liked to play baseball, in between drinking, smoking, and womanizing. It was in 1991 that he was almost killed along with Dykstra when the two was coming home from Kruk's bachelor party and crashed. Dykstra was driving with an alcohol level of .017. Daulton had several DUI charges in his life between '88 and '01. But is was after the arrest for an '01 incident we want to focus on. He was involved in a single-vehicle accident on January 3, 2001, causing $20,000 worth of damage to his BMW sedan. He refused a breathalyzer, and was charged with DUI, driving with a suspended license, and failing to appear in court. Daulton claims the accident was a result of getting run off the road in lieu of a business deal with ties to the FBI and the White House. Uh, huh? Exactly two years later, he was arrested again for driving with a suspended license and DUI, after again refusing to be tested for alcohol. Daulton was also arrested on domestic violence charges, accused of abusing his second wife Nicole, who subsequently filed for divorce. In 2004, he spent two months in jail for contempt of court after refusing to abide by the terms of a legal agreement related to the divorce.

Here comes the fun parts; Daulton holds a series of beliefs related to conspiracies, metaphysics, and numerology. He maintains that the universe is created and sustained by numerical synchronises, and that all matter is charged with vibrational energy, which has escaped human perception because it is extra dimensional in origin. He believes that those who are conscious of this energy can manipulate it to affect reality in different ways, such as altering the weather. He also believes that the pyramids and Mayan temples were created by a lost civilization, and that people with knowledge of the workings of the system will "ascend" at the conclusion of the Mayan calendar on Dec. 21, 2012, at 11:11 a.m. (Greenwich Mean Time just in case you ant to be ready!), vanishing into a new plane of existence. He recently claimed in a televised interview with ESPN that he has "skipped through time" and undergone "astral travel." Which in and of itself doesn't exactly make him crazy. Here's a quote from the interview:

"That will be the end of this dispensation. I really don't know how to explain it. I don't know what words to use so people won't think I'm goofy. But by Dec. 21, 2012, people will have a pretty good idea. It's all about consciousness and love. We have the ability to create whatever we want. We're all made of energy."

He believes that we are all going to vanish! He's a member of the Fifth Dimension. Not the '60's singing group either. But the loopy one. But wait, there's more:

"I've been thrown in jail five or six times. Nicole thinks I'm crazy. She blames everything on drugs and drinking. But I don't take drugs and I'm not a drunk. Nicole just doesn't understand metaphysics."

Not a drunk, hmmm, police records beg to diff, Dutch. Apparently not many of his friends get it either:

"When I share my thoughts and experiences with them, I tell them there's absolutely no way their minds can comprehend what I'm trying to relate, my friends are limited to the five senses. I didn't have my first out-of-body experience until I was 35. (Curiously, the epiphany occurred at one of baseball's holiest shrines -- Wrigley Field.) "I hit a line-drive just inside the third base line to help win a game. The strange thing was I didn't hit that ball. I never hit balls inside the third base line! He left the ballpark in tears. "I told my wife, 'It wasn't me who swung that bat! It wasn't me!' She thought I was Loony Tunes."

She's not alone.

Home alone in Tampa, Daulton spends much of his spare time typing up his mystical musings. The notes read like they were dictated by the True Believers who hitched a ride with Comet Hale-Bopp. "Reality is created and guarded by numeric patterns that overlap and awaken human consciousness, like a giant matrix or hologram, they are created by sacred geometry -- numbers, the language of the universe, codes of awakening -- such as 11:11, which represent twin strands of DNA about to return to balance. Eleven equals BALANCE." During the Dutch Enlightenment, No. 11 has been as significant as it was in Spinal Tap. "I'll wake up at night and look at the clock and it's 11:11," he says. "I'll turn on the TV and see a baseball game tied at 11 in the 11th inning. I'll look out the window and see a car passing with 1111 on the license plate. The car will turn into a driveway with 1111 on the mailbox."

Oddly enough, he played most of his career with the number 10 on his jersey. If it had been an 11 I might have believed all of it.