Dumbest Lyrics Of All Time
Where have all the poets gone? To pop music, of course. However, judging from this list, some of these esteemed wordsmiths could use a new thesaurus.
"If I was a sculptor/But then again, no"--Elton John's 'Your Song'(lyrics by Bernie Taupin) Well, then stop bringing it up already! This line has been wasting our time for three decades!
"Relentless lust/Of rotting flesh/To thrash the tomb she lies/Heathen whore/Of Satan's wrath/I spit at your demise"--Slayer's 'Necrophiliac' These guys should write Hallmark cards.
"Leaving was never my proud"--R.E.M.'s 'Leaving New York' Sorry, Michael, but I scoured all of my reference books, and "proud" just doesn't wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but I don't see the relevance.
"I ain't never seen/An ass like that/The way you move it/You make my pee-pee go/'Doing-doing-doing'"--Eminem's 'Ass Like That' Undoubtedly poetic stuff, but do pee-pees really go "doing-doing-doing"?
"There were plants/And birds/And rocks/And things"--America's 'Horse With No Name' Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn't consult Michael Stipe: "There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds."
"Time is like a clock in my heart"--Culture Club's 'Time (Clock of the Heart)' Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it's freakin' time!
"Now you're amazed/By the VIP posse/Steppin' so hard/Like a German Nazi"--Vanilla Ice's 'Play That Funky Music' Dude took the original song's "white boy" lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.
"Your butt is mine"--Michael Jackson's 'Bad' The worst opening line in pop history. However, I hear it's huge in Dubai. Take a second and let the humorous irony of this one line to wash over you.
"But if this ever-changing world in which we live in ..."--Paul McCartney and Wings' 'Live and Let Die' Dangerous combination: Sir Paul having so much money and prepositional phrases being so cheap. Any junior-high English teacher would take points off for everything after "world."
"Young, black and famous/With money hangin'/Out the anus"--Puff Daddy and Mase's 'Can't Nobody Hold Me Down' Sometimes the only things more crude than slang terms are their anatomically correct counterparts.
"Coast to coast L.A. to Chicago"--Sade's 'Smooth Operator' Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she's clearly not a smooth navigator.
"I shot the sheriff/But I did not shoot no deputy"--Bob Marley's 'I Shot the Sheriff' Who gives a crap, you're still going to jail!!
"Like a rock Chargin' from the gate"--Bob Seger and Silver Bullet Band's 'Like a Rock' How many rocks have you seen charging from gates? Oh well, it made him a ton of money on truck ads. I guess he's wealthy now ... like a rock.
"And there's music playing/But I can't hear a sound/Just the sound of the rain/Falling silently down" --Cheap Trick's 'Ghost Town' Ah yes, the sound of something falling silently. Brilliant!
"I drew a line/I drew a line for you/Oh what a thing to do/And it was all yellow"--Coldplay's 'Yellow' Oh, what a thing to do, indeed. How charming, Chris Martin. No wonder you wooed Gwyneth Paltrow; how could anyone resist a yellow line?
Someone left the cake/Out in the rain/I don't think that I can take it/'Cause it took so long/To bake it/And I'll never have that/recipe again -- oh no!"--Richard Harris' 'MacArthur Park' (lyrics by Jimmy Webb) Just who in the hell leaves the cake out in the rain?
"Suckin' on a chili dog/Outside the Tasty Freeze"--John Cougar's 'Jack and Diane' Who the hell sucks a chili dog? I think they are related to the leaving the cake out in the rain abandoners.
"My hump My hump My hump My hump My lovely lady lumps"--Black Eyed Peas' 'My Humps' Good God! This is what 2000 years of civilization has brought us to!
"I am ... I said/To no one there/And no one heard at all/Not even the chair"--Neil Diamond's 'I Am ... I Said' Don't feel bad, Neil, my sofa never listens to a thing I say either.
"Only time will tell/If we stand the test of time."--Van Halen's 'Why Can't This Be Love?' Uh ... duh!!! By default it just has to!
2 comments:
Try to disguise your ignorance. "My hump my hump my hump my hump My lovely lady humps" is a line from "Hamlet" referring to Ophelia. Sheesh! GET a fine arts education, will ya!
the only thing worse than the lyrics is your inability to hit enter and space out the lines, damn boy!!
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