Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting

It is late into the evening here as the first day of battles have just come to a close. We have four matches for you tonight that are sure to have you all on the edge of your seats. Our first match believe it or not is:

Captain Atom

Versus

Green Arrow

What? How can this be? This is a first round match? It sure is folks. Now at first glance you would think that Captain Atom with the power of a nuclear power plant coursing through his veins he would be the sure winner. One would think. To write off the Emerald Archer so quickly is not doing Oliver Queen any justice. The guy died and came back from the dead, ya know. The guy is also doing Black Canary. So here are some of the highlights of the fight: in the beginning these two veterans of the Justice League began very slowly showing just how much respect they have for one another. Captain Atom shot a bolt of quantum energy at Arrow who reacts with a grenade arrow. The impact is the same as a star going supernova. They battle this way for some time as Ollie reaches for an arrow and realizes he is down to his last shot, literally. He pulls back on the longbow, closes his eyes, and recites the mantra; "I do not shoot with my eyes, I shoot with my heart.", and lets the arrow fly. The arrow seems to miss it's mark, barely nicking Captain Atom. It soon becomes apparent however, that the shot did exactly what it was meant to do - slice through Captain Atoms containment suit. With his suits integrity broken, Nathaniel Adams' energy begins to leak out and with it all of his power. Ironically enough the arrow struck Captain Atom behind the ankle, right in the Achilles heel. Winner - Green Arrow.

Our second fight of the night is of the mystic sort. We have a sorcerer taking on the very power of hell itself. We present:

The Mystical Dr. Fate

Versus

The Blue Devil

Another battle that went toe to toe for some time. In the end Dr. Fate was able to remove the demons curse and turn the Blue Devil back into a normal man. The Blue Devil, now once again Daniel Cassidy, was happy to regain his humanity and remove himself from the tournament. Winner by TKO - Dr. Fate.

In our next to last match of the opening day of battle we present another "Female Fury" battle. No bra and panties match here folks. We have declared this match a "Lingerie Pillow Fight". While the contestants get in their, eh hem, "battle gear", let me take a moment to introduce the combatants:

Cassandra Cain aka Batgirl

Versus

Helena Bertinelli aka Huntress

Whoa folks, not only do we have another cat fight with two super heroines, we got them from the same comic book family. And did I mention they are in lingerie? I did, didn't I but it can't hurt to mention it a second time! Well, not only do both of these ladies come from the pages of Batman comics, at one point they were the same person. Huh? Let me explain that one. At one point Helena donned the cape and cowl and became Batgirl until Batman stripped her of the title. She reverted back to her Huntress persona and is still on Batman's bad side because he thinks she is too violent. I'm serious, that's what he said! Now, with all that being said, it may make one wonder what chance does Batgirl have? Did I mention this incarnation of Batgirl is the daughter of not one but two highly trained assassins? This should be a blood bath. That is, it would have been except for the fact we put 'em in lacy lingerie and gave 'em big fluffy pillows. No batarangs, no crossbows, not even a flash grenade. Just a lot of feathers. It's another back and forth battle when the violent streak of the Huntress rears it's ugly head. She somehow manages to slip a brick inside of the pillow and clocks Batgirl. Winner by knockout - Huntress.

In the finale for the first evening of battle we present:

John Henry Iron aka Steel

Versus

The Invisible Kid

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This was the best picture we could get of him. Sorry, we tried. Anyway, on to the battle. We sent the invite for The Invisible Kid not really knowing which one the Legion of Superheroes would actually send, if any. Would we get the original one in the green suit and the gold headband? Would we get the African American version that speaks french? (I'm not making this shit up folks!) Or, could we get the newest one that dresses all in black and wears a black headband and is gay? Well, I don't frigging know cause he's invisible. After watching John Henry swing his large sledge hammer around like a retard tangled in a spider web we assumed that somehow the Invisible Kid had lost. Actually were not sure if he really showed up. Winner - Steel.

Well the sun sets on this first day of battle and as the winners rest and allow their wounds to heal we will be back tomorrow with eight more battles.