Sweet 16 round part 1

It's time to begin the round of 16. All of the contestants that have made it this far have only made it to the half way point if they hope to be crowned DC Comics Greatest Superhero Of All Time. They seem to be chomping at the bit to get it going so lets go to our first battle featuring:

Green Lantern Kyle Rayner

Versus

Power Girl

OK, kyle Rayner is he is supposedly the "last Green Lantern", he' s only been around for about 14 years and he has had a ridiculous amount of costumes changes. I mean seriously, pick a costume and go with it. Pick an identity and go with that too. Green Lantern to Ion to Green Lantern to Parallax back to Ion and now back to Green Lantern. What gives? He's from this Earth, he's not from this Earth. I don't think they can keep any of this straight anymore and quite frankly, I don't think they are even trying at this point. Anywho, his erstwhile opponent, Power Girl ain't no bed of roses herself when it comes to an origin story. I guess first we have to decide if this is Power Girl from Earth 1 or from Earth 2. She has the same name as Supergirl but isn't Supergirl. She has the same origin story as Supergirl from one of the Earths (I think 2 but I'm not sure) it depends on which continuity you want to follow or believe or maybe the term should be trust. See why a lot of people don't read or collect comics any more?!?!? In one continuity she is also Andromeda, a member of the Legion of Superheroes, she was also Nightwing in another Earth reality story arc. If that's not confusing enough there will be yet another origin story for her after the current "Crisis" story line comes to a close and we have what is known as "New Earth". Got all that? Phew, oh look Power Girl just won the fight. At least I didn't have to bore you with all of that description as well. Winner by TKO Power Girl.

Moving on:

Captain Marvel

Versus

Zatanna

Guess what? Captain Whitebread doesn't go by Captain Marvel anymore. In the new continuity of New Earth he is now just called Marvel and he is a God. He has long white hair and is filling in for the God Shazam. I just don't get it. How about if we just call him by his name when he's just a kid and not being all superheroey and saving the planet; Billy Batson, does that work? Oh, that's right I forgot he's going by William now. Thank the man Jeesus that for nearly fifty years, Zatanna has gone on practically unchanged in origin and story. She's also not only human but she is Homo Magi. I don't know what that means but I think it sounds kinda cool. OK, I do actually know what it means but if I told you I would have to kill you. (Sigh...) Fine, the Readers Digest condensed version: she's a human in the DC Universe that uses magic. She is considered by many as the greatest "minor" hero in the DC Universe in that she has been around since 1964 and has never had her own comic series. How's that for a fine how do you do? Well I gave her a fine how do you do right after she beat Captain "What's his face" over there. Somehow she tricked him into saying his magic word in the middle of the fight that changed him back to Billy. Never called him the world's smartest mortal. Winner by KO - Zatanna.

Next up:

Firestorm

Versus

Swamp Thing

Now I gotta tell you, when I set the brackets for the tournament (on a side note; do you pronounce tournament like making a left "turn" or tournament like you are a band going on "tour"? I never know the right way to say it, good thing you can't hear an accent in typeset eh?) As I was saying; the brackets were set and look at what we got here. The Earth elemental Swamp Thing against Firestorm, who, for a little while, was the Fire elemental. In fact in the "New Earth" continuity there are two Firestorm stories/heroes. The original Firestorm; a combination of Professor Martin Stein and student Ronald Raymond is now the Firestorm Elemental but has since been killed off (sort of). The other version of Firestorm is Jason Rusch, also a student who has joined in a matrix on occasion with several different people to make Firestorm. Among the others who have joined Jason to make Firestorm has been Ronald Raymond, Martin Stein, Mick Wong (Jason's best friend), Cyborg (yes the same one that is in this tournament), and Firehawk (sort of a female version of Firestorm). So even though the current version is not the elemental version of Firestorm, we still almost had an elemental versus elemental battle. But we didn't. Too bad for Firestorm that he cannot use his powers on any organic material. Swamp Thing is pretty much entirely organic. He's also virtually indestructible as long as there is some sort of plant life in existence for him to regenerate from. Winner by TKO - Swamp Thing.

Finally tonight we have:

Supergirl

Versus

Green Arrow

My goodness she looks very hot. Of course that gets her no where in this battle. Even though Ollie is a ladies man, lately he has been trying to be a one lady man. Interesting fact, since Power Girl is basically the same person as Supergirl, just from different Earth realities, they are unable to have any physical contact or their powers go haywire. Well there goes my hope of a lesbian scene! What do you think would happen if your doppelganger from another plane of reality was to touch you? Yeah, thought so! As I was saying, wait a minute, what possible hope could G.A. have in this fight? Well, a lot considering he has made a few kryptonite arrows that he uses very well in this fight. In a surprising upset, winner by TKO - Green Arrow.

Now a final thought on "New Earth". New Earth is the current primary reality that mainstream stories take place in. On occasion, New Earth has also been erroneously called Earth-One as well as having other designations including Earth-Two. Although it contains elements of both, New Earth is actually a completely different reality from that of the historic Earth-One or Earth-Two. For example, the Justice Society of America never existed on Earth-One at all. On New Earth, the JSA inspired later heroes including Superman, Batman and Wonder Woman. The Earth is also referred to as "Primary Earth"/"DC Primary Earth" as well as "Earth Omega" or "Earth Sigma" and has been referred to derisively by some readers as "Clutter Earth". Starting to lean towards the last description myself.

See ya in the funny pages.