Before I get to the last 15 horror movies on the list, I thought I would give out some honorable mentions. These few are quite possibly worthy of being on the list but I needed to narrow it down so I cut these but decided to put them in here instead.
April Fool's Day
Jacob's Ladder
Innocents (The Turn of the Screw)
An American Werewolf in London
House of Wax (1953 version)
Fall of the House of Usher
The Ring
Targets
Black Sunday
Hound of the Baskervilles
Uninvited
Sixth Sense
Now the last of the top 50
15. Phantasm - Phantasm is that rarest of horror films, one with a truly original premise. The villain of the piece, the Tall Man, is one of the all-time great scary monsters and interestingly enough, we never discover if he is human or ghoul.
14. The Haunting - The Haunting is that rarest of beasts, an excellent novel that was turned into a film that just about matches the quality of its printed source. From start to finish, the director slowly builds the eerie tension of this horror classic until it reaches its shattering conclusion. A first-class production on all fronts, this timeless ghost story may have been made four decades ago but it still remains one of the all-time I'm-gonna-sleep-with-the-lights-on-after-this films. There are few ghosts tories ever made for the cinema that can even compare.
13. Sean of the Dead - This ranks up there, even though more comedy than horror, as one of the best zombie movies ever made.
12. Bride of Frankenstein - Sequel titles such as "Bride Of" are usually associated with B-movie sequels that are quickly forgotten and one day mocked on Mystery Science Theater. Bride of Frankenstein is the exception. Not only the greatest horror sequel of all time, Bride is in many ways superior to the original.
11. The Omen - I haven't seen the remake yet but I would imagine it won't be as good as the original. Shocking and scary with some really disturbing death scenes, this movie caused the name Damien to be associated with the devil for the rest of time.
10. Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? - Bette Davis and Joan Crawford star in this inspired psychological horror. They play over-the-hill sisters and former child actresses who, after a lifetime of rivalry, are now both full of bitterness. "But you are Blanche, you are!" More disturbing than scary, but psychologically tormenting.
9. Phantom of the Opera - Lon Chaney Sr.'s best film is also the best screen version of Gaston Leroux's novel. As the scarred composer hiding in the bowels of Paris Opera House, Chaney is unforgettable. He tutors beautiful singer Mary Philbin, whilst seeking revenge on those that ended his career and ruined his features. Some amazing make-up (by Chaney of course) and great over-zealous acting make this a real treat. Chaney's character is also both pitiful and irreversibly insane. One of the first in the Universal gothic cycle, it was remade by the same studio in 1943 with Claude Rains. There are at least four other versions (one by Hammer), but this is the best, an American classic of the silent age.
8. Peeping Tom - Karl Boehm plays Mark, a photographer driven mad in his childhood by the cruel father's photographical experiments. Now Mark himself enjoys filming 'the face of death', closing in on his victims whilst impaling them on his spiked tripod. Although devoid of blood and gore, this was truly a shocking film for it's time, and it's still disturbing today. Released about the same time as Psycho or else it would have been a hit.
7. Invisible Man - A scientist, Jack Griffin (Claude Rains) invents a serum that causes invisibility in living beings. However, after testing it on himself, Griffin soon disocovers the serum has the unfortunate side effect of driving the recipient murderously insane! Great Special effects and a bizarre form of jet-black humor make this an early sci-fi/horror masterpiece.
6. Repulsion - Roman Polanski produces his first horror masterpiece with this psychological terror-tale. As with the later 'Rosemary's Baby', it features a vulnerable female lead, Catherine Deneuve, who finds herself in a claustrophobic situation. Deneuve plays a Belgian manicurist living in London. She is repelled by sex, so when her flatmate goes away, she begins to feel alone in a foreign country surrounded by sex-hungry men. Naturally, all this pushes her over the edge and she locks herself in her apartment, but nobody will leave her alone. A gripping insight into psychotic paranoia.
5. The Cabinet of Doctor Caligari - A Nightmarish, almost indescribable silent German Expressionism film. Dr. Caligari (Werner Krauss), a carnival hypnotist, uses his somnambulistic zombie (Conrad Veidt) to commit murders. A basic plot, but more unforgettable images than in most modern features. Wild make-up, incredible acting, and Dali-esque sets will have you doubting your own sanity. Inevitably dated, but still surprisingly original when you consider it's probably the earliest important horror movie.
4. When a Stranger Calls - High school student Jill Johnson is traumatized over an evening of babysitting by a caller who repeatedly asks "Have you checked the children?". It's scary, creepy, and downright eerie.
3. The Fog - A Northern California fishing town, built 100 years ago over an old leper colony, is the target for revenge by a killer fog containing zombie-like ghosts seeking revenge for their deaths. What you can't see can't hurt you ... it'll kill you! A rare real scary movie. John Carpenter has always been a master in creating scary, creepy scene's with minimal resources but maximum scare.
2. House on Haunted Hill - Five diverse people are invited to a 'haunted house' party. They are offered $10,000 each by an eccentric millionaire and his wife to spend the night in a house with a murderous past. Vinnie (as in Vincent Price) Throws One Heck of a Party! The updated remake is also just as good, weaker acting but better effects, pick your poison.
1. It - Seven youths have to defeat a demonic creature named Pennywise which dresses in a clown suit and terrorizes a 1960's town in Maine. I'm not one of those people who is afraid of clowns, but this film doesn't make me like them any more either. Like Jaws, this one has caused many people to wonder just what they hide behind those fake smiles.
Well that's the list, 50 (or so) of my favorite horror movies. Did I miss any of yours?
LOST since 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
A Haunting we will go
Ok so since my numbering was frigged up, I continue the list with
30. Freaks - This movie gives me the chills on two levels, other than the stupid chicken woman in the beginning of the film all of the other freaks, really are. No special effects and the scene of them seeking revenge is awfully creepy, especially for a movie made in 1932!
29. The Wicker Man - The 1973 version, not the hunk of crap (or so I've heard, anyway from this year). This movie isn't a thrill a minute type but the payoff at the end is well worth the wait. It also has a great sexy dance by Britt Ekland in it. I have my darling doddy doo Cerpts to thank for turning me on to this one.
28. 'Salems Lot - This movie, while flawed shows that vampires are a lot like cockroaches. One moves into town and pretty soon we got dozens of them feeding on the townsfolk. One creepy scene is when the dead kid scratches on the window of his friends bedroom. All this and David Soul too, don't give up on us baby!
27. Scream - Wes Craven makes a movie without ghosts, monsters, icky swamp creatures, or monsters (at least not any non human ones) and he does it brilliantly. He rewrote some of the rules of horror while being not over the top campy with others. The opening scene with Drew Barrymore is classic and still scares me alone and in the dark and if the phone rings while I'm watching it I just might crap my pants.
26. Seven - Blood, guts, a severed head, a really fat dead guy, and a corpse that ain't quite dead. All this and a great cast (perhaps Brad Pitts best acting to date) makes for a good show, and it rains almost the entire movie.
25. The Fly - No, not the original this time, although the end scene in that one is a classic, I'm talking about the 1986 version. This one makes my stomach churn. Makes you think twice before you crush that ant under your foot. The maggot scene... um... you gotta see it for yourself.
24. Silence of the Lambs - Lecter versus Starling. Hopkins versus Foster. A human skin suit. All of that psychological suspense aside, you know you jumped when Hannibal snapped suddenly at the glass.
23. Jaws - Ba-dum Ba-dum Ba-dum. Great movie, scary music, and I still think twice before getting in the water. Even a swimming pool! That has to account for something doesn't it?
22. Poltergeist - "They're here." was the "I see dead people of the 80's. This is the definitive suburban horror classic. It takes what we are used to and familiar with and makes it unsafe. Imagine your own house is out to get you, where is your comfort zone now I ask you!
21. Invasion of the body snatchers- Why is my family acting so weird? What are all these weird plants popping up everywhere? These are the questions people should be asking themselves in this classic but don't until it's too late. Adapted from the brilliant horror novel The Body Snatchers by Jack Finney, the 1956 version of the film is the perfect example of Cold War paranoia. If you want one that doesn't have as an uplifting of an ending see the 70's remake, it's just as creepy with a better ending I feel.
20. Carrie - This poor girl seems to be getting it from both sides except she has an ace up her sleeve. She can move whatever she wants with her mind! Even if you have never seen the film you know the iconic picture of her drenched in blood. Sissys creepy mother is played by Piper Laurie, and both ladies were nominated for Oscars for their roles and deservedly so.
19. The Others - The Others became one of the most successful word-of-mouth blockbusters in recent memory. The reason for its success was simple.The Others is a bone-chilling movie. "Are you mad? I am your daughter." spoken in a little girls voice but coming from the mouth of a decrepit old woman made me jump out of my skin. The ending, well in case someone hasn't seen it yet I won't ruin it but it is a great Holy Shit! moment of film!
18. The Exorcist - Spinning heads! Vile expletives! Buckets of vomit! No, I'm not discussing your last blind date! This is perhaps the top of the list on many lists of the scariest movies of all time. When it was first released to theaters people ran out in droves. Today we call them pussies!
17. The Shining - Jack Nicholson running around an old deserter hotel with an ax is scary enough. Especially some of those faces he makes but aside from the "Here's Johnny!" part, my scary moment is when Shelly Duvall sees his new novel for the first time and sees just the line "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy." over and over and over.....
16. The Thing - One of the creepiest movies ... EVER! That's all I'm going to say other than if the scene where the guyÂ’s head sprouting insect legs to escapedoesn'tnÂ’t give you nightmares consult a therapist immediately.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
Spooky Time
In a tribute to the season, I have composed a list of my 50 favorite horror films (give or take) of all time. Keep in mind this is my favorite list and in no particular order. So with that in mind I will list the first part of this at least two or three part post.50. The Blob - First released in 1958 starring Steven McQueen (later dropping the "n" and going to Steve) was part horror part science fiction. An old farmer picks up a stick and picks up the gelatinous substance (well, wouldn't you?) and gets slimed. It grows (beware of the blob it seeps and creeps and glides and slides across the floor right through an open door) and eats and eats and grows. The Blob was redone in 1988, now this blob was a little more vicious, meaner, and violent.This version removed a lot of the science fiction part and laid on the horror. Both are worth seeing, but be wary of comparing. Usually if you like one you will not like the other.
49. The Wolfman - This 1941 classic starring Lon Chaney Jr. is a great story of horror and tragedy. He becomes the werewolf when the moon is full and the wolf bane blooms. The character of Larry Talbot was played so that he was given depth and encourages the viewer to feel sorry for the character and wish everything could be worked out for them. Which it won't, of course. The Wolfman has always been my favorite of the big three (the other two being Dracula and Frankenstein) mostly because he doesn't want the curse, but alas that is what makes him a classic monster.
48. From Dusk till Dawn - In the realm of vampire movies, Tarantino movies, or just horror movies in general, this has something for all three types of fans. It has a script written by Tarantino, directed by Robert Rodriguez, (of El Mariachi fame), a bar called the Titty Twister, and a lot of gore. In fact the vampire blood was green to make it easier to get by the ratings board. If you haven't seen this one it is pretty entertaining, and I can promise this is the only George Clooney film on the list!
47. The Mummy - Boris Karloff brought Imhotep to life in 1932. Still considered by many to be the best mummy movie ever made. You hear that Brendan Frasier? It is a classic black and white masterpiece with great imagery, intrigue, and suspense.
46. Rosemary's Baby - This is an example of classic horror of the mind. Director Roman Polanski shows perfectly how less is more. Take fantastic writing add superb acting with just a dash of satanic witches and a classic is made.
45. Nosferatu - Stoker taught us about vampires, this film brings one to life! Orlock the vampire might be one of the most disturbing horror monsters to ever be on the screen and this movie is from 1922! Nosferatu has great special effects for the time period. Just the rise from the coffin alone sends chills up my spine every time I see it. This film, like The Wolfman, uses stop-action photography to cause his coffin to open and unwraps itself. This movie has unforgettable imagery. You owe it to yourself to see this movie.
44. Saw - This movie introduced us to a new classic villain: Jigsaw. When I first watched this movie I didn't think I was seeing anything special. That is until the end! This movie has the ability to have as many sequels as the writers can create. It could very well be easy to screw up, which I will see on Tuesday when I go to see the third installment. I'll let you know.
43. Frankenstein - The Grandpappy of all the undead horror movies. This pop icon was born in 1931 and played brilliantly by Karloff. Karloff played the character with just the right balance of fear and tragedy. This may be one of the only movie monsters in history that the viewer feels sad when we see him meet his end.
42. Hellraiser - Great effects, Pinhead rocks, Clive Barker is fantastic. The gateway to hell disguised as a little metal puzzle box. What was the deal with the chattery teeth guy though?
41. The Amityville Horror - Supposedly based on a true story, there has been questions as to if this is true or not but still a fairly damn good ghost/haunted house story. Teaches the lesson of really great houses at cheap prices really are too good to be true. Also begs the question why did you wait a month to get the hell out?
42. 28 Days Later - Tells about the dangers of biological tampering. A blood borne virus gives (almost) everyone in London a lethal dose of "rage" which is the name of the virus. Cleverly disguised as a zombie movie, which it is not, it shows the human will to survive at all costs.
41. Night of the Living Dead - This movie created the modern day genre and made George Romero the king of zombie movies. Romero put the movie industry on notice with his graphic shots of blood, guts, and gore. There was no MPAA or ratings board at the time, but no one had been willing to step outside the status quo. Romero was the first to do so not by asking if it could be done but by simply asking why it hadn't been done yet. When released, NOTLD was met with controversy because of its graphic nature but went on to be a drive-in success.
40. Evil Dead - Evil Dead is, in the opinion of many, the classic horror movie of the 80s. The Evil Dead is low budget, heavy gore, high imagination, and lasting impact...all accurate and true when describing this timeless film. Just watch out for the woods, and wear clean panties...
39. Re-Animator - Re-animator will take you on a trip through the deranged mind of H.P Lovecraft. Lovecraft novels do not often translate well to the big screen, but Re-animator hits the mark. All this and zombies too. Re-animator has everything a good horror movie needs: a great horror actor (Jeffrey Combs), a fast pace, lots of blood and gore and some gratuitous nudity to top everything off. I recommend Re-Animator to anyone who loves horror. **Note: The only other Lovecraft adaptations that are worth viewing, in my opinion, are From Beyond and In the Mouth of Madness, both of which I highly recommend.
38. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre - 1974: The year of Watergate, Dungeons and Dragons, and Patty Hearst. Hillary Swank was born and Jack Benny died. Right along side Chinatown, The Godfather Part 2, and Young Frankenstein, a film is released that would raise the bar for horror movies with dark craziness, ferocity and the birth of Leatherface.
37. The Abominable Dr Phibes - This film is wrought with black humor with stylized visuals and good old fashioned Vincent Price horror.Vincent Price is, without a doubt, one of the classic horror figures of all times. Price is particularly well suited to characters with over-the-top behaviors and highly stylized settings - and could in fact give William Shatner a lesson of two in "over acting".
36. Alien - Even though this movie just happens to take place in space, that doesn't necessarily mean that it is "merely" science fiction. I became a huge Ridley Scott fan after watching Alien. An effective tone was set from the beginning and Scott gave the film almost a documentary feel. This film was made before CGI; all this work was done with costumes, models, and filming techniques.
35. Halloween - The movie that created many icons in horror culture. Halloween also affected general pop culture and created the rules of horror, the scream queen, and Michael Myers. John Carpenter arose as a cinematic genius.
34. Psycho - The movie that changed the way the world saw horror in the theater. In creating Psycho, Alfred Hitchcock focused on the anticipation rather than the act, and in the process created the most influential film imaginable. Much has been written about this film, and it remains one of the masterpieces of the art that is fine cinema.
33. A Nightmare on Elm Street - With this movie, Wes Cravens brought a new twist to the slasher genre with originality and rule-breaking. A Nightmare on Elm Street has a highly original twist on the slasher theme, and Wes Craven seems to delight in surprising the audience and keeping everyone on their toes. Craven even adds those strange "dream things" (seemingly illogical happenings that we experience in our dreams that make perfect sense at the time) to create a horror experience that gives us pause to the very act of retiring for the night.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
The Other 48 Days
Lightning Shoots Out Of A Girl's Ass!!
A woman suffered severe burning to her anus after being struck by lightning which hit her in the mouth and passed right through her body.Natasha Timarovic, 27, was brushing her teeth at home when lightning struck the building. She said: "I had just put my mouth under the tap to rinse away the toothpaste when the lightning must have struck the building. I don't remember much after that, but I was later told that the lightning had travelled down the water pipe and struck me on the mouth, passing through my body. It was incredibly painful, I felt it pass through my torso and then I don't remember much at all." Doctors at the city hospital where she was treated for burns to the mouth and rear said: "The accident is bizarre but not impossible. She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of grounding through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," a medic told a local television news channel. "It appears to have grounded through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap. If she had not been wearing the shoes she would probably have been killed by the blast."
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Abandoned
Ok seeing as how it's the season of the weenie. I was hoping to get a group together to fo to one of them there haunted hayrides. Was thinking of next weekend sometime depending on the weather. That's the weekend on 20-22. Anyone interested put a post on this blog and a haunting we will go. There are a few I was thinking of going tohttp://www.prisonhaunt.com/
http://www.nightofterror.com/
http://www.indianacrestreefarm.com/Haunted%20Attractions%20Schedule.htm
http://www.easternstate.org/halloween/
http://www.nightmaresx.com/
or if you know of any not listed and wanted to mention im open for suggestions
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
...And Found
O.K. as promised the new "Who's Hot on Lost" #1 entry is her up there. ^^^ Elizabeth Mitchell otherwise known as "Juliette". If you watch the show you already know who she is and if you don't well you really probably don't care anyway. Which means you really aren't gonna care about this blog entry either. It's the latest Hollywood odds on who's gonna die on Lost this season, or I should say "next" the long shots are listed first and go in cascading order to the best odds on favorite to die.
10. Jack - odds 100-1 Matthew Fox does have a blossoming movie career. Stop snickering, he does! Maybe die is too harsh of a term, disappear, maybe. If there is a chance of a big screen Lost series finale, which it appears is now a definite possibility, Foxxy will definitely want to be involved.
9. Desmond - odds 90-1 C'mon, he's just getting started. It would be too tragic to have Desmond buy the farm before Penny finds the island. Wouldn't it? Also look forward to his nude scene coming up in a future episode.
8. Locke - odds 75-1 LOST without Locke is like Star Wars without Obi-Wan. It ain't gonna happen. With season three there is indication that Locke will once again find destiny waiting on the island.
7. Charlie - odds 60-1 This one is too obvious to be the one. Charlie still has some story to tell. Besides killing him off would be too anticlimactic.
6. Claire - odds 50-1 Again, would her death send shock waves through the LOST community? Nahh.
5. Hurley - odds 40-1 O.K. now you're talking big. No pun intended. Hey, I'm a fat guy too! Hollywood needs more funny fat guys. Anyway, Hurley dying, now we're getting warmer. And I could actually see this happening. (It already happened in my version of LOST!) Talk about igniting a fire storm in the fan base. Hurley's death would bring people out of the woodwork to sign the "Don't kill off Hurley" petitions.
4. Danielle - odds 25-1 Yeah, I know, she's not a regular but death doesn't have to be a regular. Add that to the fact that she has been there far too long to only know what she has said she knows is frustrating to fans. What better way to bait us than to kill off that line of info before it has a chance to fully spill.
3. Sawyer - odds 10-1 "Kate is going to have to make a choice." says creator J.J. Abrahms (sp?) We all know what happens when choices are being made in TV drama land. If she picks Sawyer there could be tragic circumstances to follow. C'mon, this is LOST people, if a relationship blossoms it's not going to be without some tragic fallout. Which brings us to :
2. Kate - odds 5-1 In real live Evangeline Lilly struggles with fame and has found love on the set of LOST. In fact they are getting married next year. I just can't believe she actually fell for the little dude. It's conceivable that she will ask to be let go to take her purse of the LOST earnings and sit on the sidelines preparing a love nest while her other half continues to rake in the bucks being a star on the TV drama.
So that only leaves:
1. Sayid - odds 3-1 Yes, we call Sayid. Why? His story is told. As was Shannon's, Boone's, and Anna Lucia's. Want more proof? Because he gives the Losties an advantage. Want even more proof? Naveen Andrews is not the type of actor to take to type casting. He also has a much publicized personal struggle with the travel distance issue. No LOST + no Hawaii = No travel issues. Furthermore, Andrews, like Fox, has landed some pretty cool acting gigs for the near future. He's going to be in a new movie with Jodie Foster and then is going to start filming a new Robert Rodriguez movie called "Grind House", which is also going to be co-directed by Quentin Tarantino.
So there you have it, and after making this list, I have come to one conclusion. I need a life, badly!
Everybody Hates Hugo
Well, it had to happen sooner or later. Either by his character being killed off (more on this in a later blog) or by the off chance that a new cast member (which we have already seen one or two and more are promised in the new season)would bump him off. It was inevitable. I mean when you are king of the mountain (or island that is the case here) someone is eventually gonna knock you off. That's right, no longer is Josh "Sawyer" Holloway the hottest star on Lost. Let's take a moment to let that sink in. O.K. that's long enough. What?! You must be asking yourself, a little dismayed and even, dare I say it, pissed. Yes, it is hard to argue with this ladies and gentlemen:
But unfortunately it has happened. More on this in a future blog.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Orientation
The Haunted WardrobeSeveral weeks ago I bought a wardrobe from an antique store that was having a wicked deal on dead people's things. Now, typically I don't meddle much in the affairs of the recently departed nor the affairs of the previously departed for that matter. However, men do tedious and burdensome tasks all to be in the presence of a woman.
Which brings us to the antique store.
As the door creaks open, I'm immediately engulfed in that familiar smell; old. Its like having five hundred grandma's in one room, all gasping their final breaths at once. For those of you that have lost your grandma, I'm sorry. Get over it, I'm trying to paint a picture here.
We browse through the isles of what I have to admit is finely constructed furniture. Typically when I hear "They don't make 'em like that anymore..." I usually think to myself "There's a reason for that you old ass fucking country bumpkin." This however, does not apply to bitchin' old cars and apparently furniture. The problem is restoring the ancient ones. After wading through the furniture graveyard for about a half an hour, she had collected a handsome pile of crap that will be stored for future decoration. Thank fucking Jesums, I think, and was about to head out when I though I heard something like a child crying coming from around one of the larger islands of debris. I turned the corner and there was the most majestic mahogany wardrobe I had ever seen. It had hand carved lion heads encrested on the doors, and intricate carvings on the trim.
I was in awe of its glory and I think it made me pee a little.
I bought the wardrobe immediately and paid some punks to load it into their truck and deliver it to chateau Cheeks. We fought the motherfucker all the way into my apartment, where it came to sit in its final resting place... or so I thought. I cleaned the big bastard up and put a shine on it that could blind a retard at a hundred paces. A few days went by and I finally had my wardrobe filled with my ever growing collection of clothes I will never get around to wearing. I thought, man this is tits. No more trying to repair the hanger bars and shelving that continually collapses under the weight of my huge fat guy clothes.
Something disturbed me though, my clothes started to have a strange odor; something I couldn't quite place yet. I decided to remove everything and wash repeatedly. I put an application on the inside of the wardrobe that was supposed to kill any mold or mildew from moisture and dry up the wood. This turned out to be a bad idea because of the toxicity of the fumes. I had to sleep in the living room for a few days.
One night as I slept on the couch I was awoken to the sound of a kid screaming and crying. First I wondered where the fuck I was, then wondered who's brat that was. As I became oriented I wondered if I had just imagined it. As I sat there pondering the situations creepiness, I heard some more children crying. I went into the bedroom and looked around. I looked in the spare room and checked outside. What the fuck some kids were doing in my house at 3AM was beyond me, but when you hear strange shit at night, you check the scene... preferably armed. I found nothing, and eventually went back to sleep.
I'm a light sleeper, and when I'm expecting someone or something, I tend to sleep a lot lighter. Two hours later I heard the children's sobbing again. I turned on all the lights and waited until dawn.
Well, I'm no jackass horror movie victim, so first thing in the morning I had some neighbors help me drag the mahogany nightmare back down stairs. I thanked them and said nothing more. I went into my house, grabbed the long-handled axe from the utility room. My neighbors were all like "What the fuck?" as I splintered the wardrobe into debris, all while swearing, sometimes in English. That must have been a site. After about fifteen minutes, a crowd had gathered, and at one point I thought the sheriff's department may have been alerted to my actions.
Anyways, I'm selling souvenir haunted wardrobe chunks for five bucks each. My neighbors bought most of it that fine Sunday morning, but I still have lots of it left. It smells like rotten flesh, yeah I figured out that was what the smell was, weird huh, and if you hold it to your ear, you can hear children crying.
Apparently, after some researching, I found out the wardrobe dated back to sometime around the Civil War. It was supposedly from Virginia. There have been some stories of people who lived in Virginia capturing escaping slaves and locking the children in wardrobes a lot like the one I had. Torturing them, eventually starving them to death in some cases. Some of the children were left there, even months after they had died.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
The Doc Is An Eagles Fan
He ain't no Sawyer, and far from one of my favorite characters on Lost but Foxxy gets a passadena from me for being an Eagles fan, or at least sporting a retro team t shirt. I guess I won't be upset if his character doesn't die this season. But only this season, I'm not saying anything about next season. All I know is Sawyer best be just fine by this time next year. Oh, and one other thing Doc, "Don't trust Sara.".
Adrift
Well, it's been four and a half months since I last had my Lost jones fullfilled with a new episode. Tonight that all ends. Will I get all the answers I want? Prolly not! Where are the "others" taking S/K/J? Is Michael and Walt really going to get away? Will Hurley make it back ok? Where are Sun, Jinn, and Sayid? Is Desmond dead? What happened to Locke and Eko? Who the hell are the "others", really? And just what the frigg is that smoke monster thingy? I can hardly contain my excitement. Take the phone off the hook, get the snackies ready and prepare to get Lost.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Man of Science Man of Faith
Well without a doubt, the main man of the horror cereals is Count Chocula! My numero uno favorite cereal. I mean how can I not understand the counts obsession with the chocolatey goodness of Count Chocula?!? He has been around almost as long as Cerpts; which means he's friggin' old people! But like Cerpts, I still loves him. We have Laura Levine, a copywriter for the advertising agency Dancer Fitzgerald Sample to thank for the Count and the rest of his horror cereal buddies. As we all know ad writers are secondary in the lucrative writing field right behind ransome notes. On Futurama Count Chocula has been promoted to Archduke, right next to Admiral Crunch. He has shown up in episodes of the Simpsons trying to quit his sugary addiction. Mr. Burns even buys Count Chocula cereal and says; "Hmm. I suppose that one looks a little bit like me." There's even been Count ripoffs, on Invader ZIM there is a character called Count Cocofang and he is the mascot for a cereal called Coco Splodies. "Count Choculitis" is listed as a disease on a health care benefits form in an episode of the comedy show "The Office". Count Chocula was also a guest judge on American Zombie in an episode of Robot Chicken. On Family Guy, the episode "Wasted Talent", Cap'n Crunch asks The Godfather to assassinate the Count because "that son of a bitch has been spreading rumors about me. My cereal does not cut the roof of your mouth. With all due resprects." In Wedding Crashers, John Beckwith resists the temptation to go over-board in taking on fake occupations in order to sound fascinating, he says "I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula." In Robin Williams Live On Broadway 2002 Robin makes a reference to Count Chocula as part of his performance. He talks about the winner of the gold medal in snowboarding (freestyle) at the Winter Olympics. Robin says "Would you like to be on a box of wheaties? -No.Count Chocula." In the John Mayer Song "It's Always Her that Gets Wet", he imitates Bobby Brown singing "And in the morning, girl, I'm gonna pour you a bowl of Count Chocula". In Blade: Trinity, Dracula walks into a store that sells vampire souvenirs. He picks up and looks at a box of Count Chocula cereal. In 1999, the satirical newspaper The Onion ran a front-page story about Count Chocula, characterizing him as an actual blood-sucking monster to underscore the humor of his role as mascot for a children's cereal. Franken Berry is also referenced in the article, although not by name. All Hail the Count! I want to eat your cereal!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)