"The way you walked was thorny, through no fault of your own..."-Maleva

"Whoever is bitten by a werewolf and lives becomes a werewolf himself." Somewhere in the dark part of my being, where evil is kept, and nurtured, I envy Larry Talbot. The werewolf has always been my favorite type of movie "monster". Lon Chaney Jr., who starred in the original is still the best wolf man character in my mind. Even when I first saw the movie way back when, I knew it was supposed to be scary. It never was to me. It has it's moments of terror, but that's a different emotion to me than scary. The foggy outdoor scenes in the countryside at night are a little frightening and in my childhood they made me a bit more than jittery, but to tell the truth, The Wolf Man always made me sad. Also, like I said, a little bit jealous.



Jealous? You may ask. Well, yeah a little bit. Maybe it's the man bored of normal everyday life that seeks escapism. Maybe it's the dark part of me that frightens me, even if just a little bit. Is the power that turns a man into a blood thirsty monster magic, or is it a curse? Lycanthropy, like the stories of the zombies I spoke about earlier, is deeply buried in ancient folklore. German folklore speaks of shape shifters. It is also mentioned in ancient Greek writings, though not always in wolf form, the stories all involve someone turning into a hybrid of man (meaning mankind, women are not immune) and an animal form. When we first meet Larry Talbot he is a nice man returning home to reconcile with his father. While trying to save a woman from a wolf attack, he is bitten. Later, he finds out that the wolf wasn't a regular wolf but a werewolf. The old gypsy woman Maleva (Maria Ouspenskaya) reveals to Talbot that the curse has been passed on to him and he will soon become the beast.

I guess the appeal of the "Wolf Man" for me lies in the humanity beneath the horror. Larry Talbot was tormented with the knowledge that he became a savage beast with a lust to kill; he is the quintessential reluctant monster. Only death could set him free. Until it was time to make another movie, that is. The "reluctant" monster is depicted in several different versions. Frankenstein's monster is another example as well as the Bride of Frankenstein. I didn't have a kinship with the Frankenstein monsters (although I do feel sorry for them) I guess it is the fact of being a monster only half of the time. Years ago there was a show on TV called Love and Curses (in England, where it was first made, it was called She Wolf of London) in it a mythology professor meets a female student who survived a werewolf attacked on the Moors. While searching for a cure, the professor becomes the girls keeper during the full moon phases. He keeps her safely locked up in the basement when the full moon nears. Somehow, she is able to carry on a near "normal" life.

After hitting the billboard charts in 1979 with the title song from the sitcom Makin' It, David Naughton starred in An American Werewolf in London. Quite possible my second favorite portrayal of the werewolf legend. Unlike the werewolf films The Howling and Wolfen that also came out in 1981, AAWL portrayed the character as a reluctant monster. Unlike the other two where the werewolf characters not only willingly seek victims but seek to make their type of being a master race.

Those type of werewolf movies, although some done quite well, Dog Soldiers being a recent one that quickly comes to mind, are not my favorite types. I guess it's the cursed, unwilling creatures I have a soft place in my fur for. They don't want to kill, but they cannot control the beastly urges. Wolfen was the influence Metallica used to write the song "Of Wolf and Man". The werewolf legend is everywhere, although not easily seen. Little Red Riding Hood is terrorized by a large talking wolf, some interpretation could lead to it being a werewolf. In the Harry Potter series (1997-2007), the werewolf Remus Lupin is one of the most sympathetic and popular of all characters, in both the book and film versions. However, the series also includes a werewolf villain Fenrir Greyback, who fits more with the older image of werewolves. The Potter books essentially use werewolves as a metaphor for marginalised and discriminated against groups in modern society.

Today the werewolf is both feared and romanticized. Depending on who is telling the tale and what the point of their story is. So is it a curse or is it a blessing? Be they hero or villain? Are they beasts with a touch of humanity or human with a little beast added for flavor? In the movie Monster Squad one of the main child characters is told to kick the wolf man in the "nards". "The Wolf Man has Nards?" he asks. I could have told him that they most certainly do.

"They're coming to get you Barbara!" -Johnny

The Zombie, the walking dead, ghouls. The origin starts in Vodou, the Afro-Caribbean spiritual belief system. In movies and books, they have been perfected and modernized. Early stories of the creatures, including White Zombie and I Walked with a Zombie, show that the people are actually under a spell and controlled by a type of Voodoo. Later in movies, they are shown as not having any intelligence, slow, shambling creatures in search of flesh or brains. These types of Zombies are called Romero Zombies after George Romero, the king of all zombie movie makers. In Haiti the thought of zombies waking the earth is much more than a spooky monster that hunts our nightmares. To the natives and believers, they are very real.

In Night of the Living Dead, George Romero made a film on a small budget and started a tradition in the horror movie genre that still holds true today. People love to kill people. Especially people that are already dead. If the situation was perfect and you were holed up in a farmhouse surrounded by the walking dead with lots of guns and ammo, face it, it would be kinda fun. Notice I said "if the situation was perfect". Most of the time you are not prepared for such a situation. Therefor these films all have one thing in common. An air of desperation. Do you have enough bullets to take down all of them? If not, do you make sure to save one for yourself? Scholar Kim Paffrenroth notes that "more than any other monster, zombies are fully and literally apocalyptic ... they signal the end of the world as we have known it."

Though it is not known when exactly the term "zombie" became associated with Romero's specific depiction, it should be noted that Night made no reference to the creatures as "zombies". In the film they are referred as "ghouls" on the TV news reports. However, the word "Zombie" is used continually by Romero in his 1978 script for Dawn of the Dead, including once in dialog. This retroactively fits the creatures with an invisible Haitian/African prehistory, formally introducing the zombie as a new archetype. The mid-1980s produced few zombie films of note, the Evil Dead series, while zombie-influenced and notable on their own, are not really zombie films. 1985's Re-Animator, loosely based on the Lovecraft story, stood out in the genre, achieving nearly unanimous critical acclaim and becoming a modest success. Lovecraft's influence is kept well and is notable here. The zombies in the film are consistent with other zombie films of the period, and it may escape some that they are nearly unchanged from the 1921 story. The 1988 Wes Craven film The Serpent and the Rainbow, based on the non-fiction book by Wade Davis, attempted to re-connect the zombie genre with the Voodoo roots that inspired it. The film poses both supernatural and scientific possibilities for "zombification" and other aspects of Voodoo. The film is notable as perhaps the only Voodoo-themed zombie film of recent times. Quite a good one as well, I might add.

The turn of the millennium coincided with a decade of box office successes in which the zombie sub-genre experienced a resurgence: the Resident Evil movies in 2002 and 2004, the Dawn of the Dead remake (2004), the British films 28 Days Later and 28 Weeks Later (2002, 2007) and the homage/parody Shaun of the Dead (2004). The new interest allowed Romero to create the fourth entry in his zombie series: Land of the Dead, released in the summer of 2005. Romero has recently returned to the beginning of the series with the film Diary of the Dead. The film will take place on the same night as the original Night of the Living Dead.

The depiction of zombies as biologically infected people has become increasingly popular, likely due to the 28 Days Later (I only saw the first one and liked it, have yet to see the sequel) and Resident Evil series (love the games, hate the movies); 2006's Slither (quite good, and really fun to watch) featured zombies infected with alien parasites, and 2007's Planet Terror features a zombie outbreak caused by a biological weapon, and on my list of films to see. The most well-known current work of zombie fiction is 2006's World War Z by Max Brooks, which was an immediate hit upon its release and a New York Times bestseller. Brooks had previously authored the cult hit The Zombie Survival Guide, an exhaustively researched, zombie-themed parody of pop-fiction survival guides.

Just in case the folk tales are true, I know you are wondering how you know a zombie when you see one? Well, we have to look at the core traits. Though many exceptions exist (including, the non-dead, biologically-infected zombies seen in many current productions), zombies tend to share some of the following characteristics. To be aware is to be alive. Take note that zombies are:

Mobile but technically dead, with a lack of heartbeat or other vital signs
Often marked by an undead, decaying state, with discolored skin and eyes
Non-communicative, groaning and howling instead of speaking
Diminished in intelligence, with a resulting inability to reason, strategize or use tools
Diminished in emotional response, with no empathy or mercy toward victims
Consumed with ravenous hunger for human flesh, sometimes vocalized
Afflicted with diminished senses, but still sensing prey by motion or sound or other means
Clumsy, violent and ungainly, either shambling slowly or running frenzied
Vulnerable to destruction of the brain, which kills them. Removal of the head kills the body but the head remains active.
Unresponsive to any other kinds of injuries, even normally fatal ones
Zombie 'infection' usually portrayed as contagious, i.e. through a bite or claw mark
Does not attack other zombies, leading to overwhelming numbers and swarms of zombies

"Send more cops."

"Hello, I want to play a game."-Jigsaw

It's not very often I offer a retraction, let alone admit when I am wrong. Or even when I am kinda sort of close to wrong. As the situation dictates, I must do both today. Around a year ago I spoke about the movie Saw 3 and how much I liked the first two in the series. After seeing the third installment I pitched a fit as to how horrible it was. Well, flash forward to this week and we have the release of Saw IV. For the last three years, going out to see a Saw movie has been a Halloween ritual for my Lady Love and myself. Was I going to break the ritual and not go see the newest chapter? That was what I told myself I was going to do, especially after I read some reviews. The reviews, like most horror movies coming out these days was met with mixed reviews. Some loved it (mostly teenagers, I assumed) and some hated it (nearly everyone else, I again assumed) others mentioned how confusing it was while some spoke of how over the top the gore was. Well, as of this past Sunday, that had almost cinched it for me, no reason to go. That was my feeling until yesterday (Monday, October 29) when I decided I was going. It was between Saw IV and 30 Days of Nights. A co-worker went to see 30 Days and his report was less than favorable on this movie as well. So I bit the bullet and went to see Saw IV.

And I'm glad I did.

I don't know who the people are that said the movie was confusing and hard to follow, because it's not. At least to me it wasn't. All I can say is if some of them decided to let this movie be the first to see in the series, well that would not be suggested. This chapter not only was very good, quite possibly the best since the first movie, the first one was very good, I hesitate calling it great because it's not a movie you can watch over and over getting the same shock and surprise every time. Once you've seen it, you've seen it, I won't say anymore so as not to spoil anything for those that have not seen any of the Saw movies. I can also add that not only was IV very good, it did something I didn't think possible. It made III better. Some things happen in III that left me shaking my head and wondering why certain things were even in the movie if they were not going to be explained. Some things were so quickly glossed over that they didn't make sense. Until now. If you saw Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and felt ripped off with the ending, you have an idea of how I felt after seeing Saw III. When I saw Pirates 3 it made more sense and I didn't feel as cheated as I did after 2 was over. That's how I feel now about Saw III after seeing IV. Only more so. I left the theatre today surprised, and happy with Saw IV. It's not very often I leave a movie theater more than just satisfied but happily surprised. Today was one of those days. Sure, it was gory (not as gory as some movies I have seen in the past few years though mind you) it played a little with the Saw timeline but it was well worth the two hours as well as it made me look forward to Saw V next year.

Oh yes, there will be blood.

"I met this 6 years old child with this blank, emotionless face and the blackest eyes....the devil's eyes" - Dr. Sam Loomis

We're getting close to the witching hour now my friends. Not many hours left until the veil is lifted between the worlds. No reason to fear it. Although I'm not quite sure what that sound was I heard outside the bedroom window. Stop worrying. We're safe in here, aren't we? I'm just being silly, of course we are. Nothing will get us in here. After all, you did lock the door like I told you. Didn't you?



The Fly is one of the most memorable of all fifties sf/horror crossovers. The film is often unjustly laughed at and held up to ridicule. It is however a classic and a rather fine monster movie. If you do not at least know of this movie then you must be a space alien. Oh yes, it has that gorgeous 1958 CinemaScope sheen, and bears the distinction of being one of the few really big budget science fiction films from that entire decade. Actually, what makes "The Fly" a definite must see for me is Patricia Owens, her outstanding performance truly carries this movie. What an underrated performance she gives. The Fly was released in the midst of the 50’s monster-film craze, and make no mistake, it is an attempt to capitalize on that trend.


But unlike most of those films, it never seems cheesy or campy, at least to me. Others may say different, and they are welcome to their opinion. The science never seems like complete nonsense, (although I never understood people saying that, the movies are science fiction not science non-fiction, it's fantastical, that's the point people!) and none of it comes across as unintentionally funny even at this late date-- allowing for the relatively primitive special effects and the occasionally lampooned late scene involving a spider web. That scene is not silly here. It’s gut wrenching and horrific, exactly as it should be. The "Help me!" screams at the end still to this day creeps me out like few other moments in film do. Skip Cronenberg’s 80's remake unless you want a healthy dose of gore, it poorly pales in comparison. Not great and not without it's flaws but in the world of 50's horror I give it 7 fangs out of 10.


When released in 1933, King Kong was greeted with unprecedented amazement. State-of-the-art visual effects, an entertaining story, and a touching ending combined to bequeath upon this film the coveted label of a "classic." In its era -- and, indeed, for decades after -- no monster movie (whether made in the U.S., Japan, or elsewhere) approached the lofty perch of this one. The title character, the creation of stop-motion effects wizard Willis O'Brien (mentor to Ray Harryhausen), captivated audiences and started a world-wide love affair with a giant ape.



It is no longer the 1930s, however. By today's slick standards, King Kong has aged, and it's debatable how kind the passage of years has been. Many rip-offs, one remake (Dino DeLaurentis' campy 1976 version), and films like Jurassic Park have come and gone. While the original King Kong still sits upon the throne of my memories. Advances in technology and acting have dated aspects of the production. Still, in watching these old black-and-white images which were assembled with craftsmanship and care long before computers made this stuff easy, it's impossible not to feel some sense of awe at what was accomplished those many years ago. In many ways, Kong is still king.


It's about the world's biggest ass-kicker of a gorilla who ultimately finds himself done in by the ignorance of modern man ... and a really hot blond. Yes, Fay Wray one of the first and best scream queens. It's the great-great-granddaddy of all adventure movies plus it's a fantastic horror movie! It's got romance, drama, comedy... must I go on? OK, I will. It's King freaking Kong "Eighth Wonder of the World". Lover of Ann Darrow, hulking nemesis of Carl Denham and Jack Driscoll. Ruthless dispatcher of rabid stegosauruses, creepy giant snake-asours, and unintelligent pterodactyls. (Seriously, Kong kicks a lot of prehistoric ass in this movie.) It truly was only beauty that could kill the beast. 8 and a half bananas out of 10.

"Don't ever invite a vampire into your house, you silly boy. It renders you powerless."

I might get flack over this one, but here goes. Call them monsters, villains, bad guys, bogeymen, whatever you like to call them, be my guest. The "new" horror movie monsters have been more humanized than ever. No longer are the things that go bump in the night ghosts, aliens, goblins, ghouls, or something that slinks from the watery depths. They are people but not like you and me. Or are they? One thing the group of meanies featured below all have in common is they were all people (at one time or another, anyway), just human beings. Nothing more. Some of the stories they are featured in are based on actual people and the acts they did. Like this chainsaw wielding fella for example-

Leatherface is the one we all remember from "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" franchise. Never mind his family, they are the focus of a separate discussion better left for another day. One of the first slasher film villains, he wears masks made of human skin, a practice which led to his name, and is a cannibal. Leatherface is supposedly severely mentally retarded and mentally disturbed. He often uses a chainsaw (hence the name of the films) or a sledgehammer to slaughter his victims. The character was inspired in part by notorious serial killer Ed Gein, who also wore the skin of his victims.
Jason Voorhees has been busy every thirteenth day of the month. That is if it happens to fall on a Friday. Quite possibly the longest living(?) slasher killer. Some say too long, 11 movies exist in the franchise. Not all featuring Jason as the killer, his mother was the killer in the first movie and part three a psychotic father donned the infamous hockey mask to seek revenge for his dead child. He has "died" several times only to be brought back to seek new victims over and over again. He's even killed in the future, in the year 2455, as seen in the aptly titled "Jason X" as it was the tenth film of the series. Another film is yet in the works, a twelfth. Guess they have to go to 13 at this point.
Michael Myers made older sisters afraid of their little brothers, especially on Halloween back in 1978. "The Shape" is another of the original slashers. He has hacked his way through eight of the nine Halloween movies. The most recent installment, directed by Rob Zombie, is half remake of the original as well as a prequel. Part three, Season of the Witch, well, let's just not talk about it. Although he does appear in this movie as well, he can be seen on a TV screen in a bar, the movie has nothing to do with the rest of the series. Michael is tall (anywhere from 6' 3" to 6' 8") he has scars and lots of them. Possibly the deepest of them being of the psychological variety.
Freddy Krueger is a different type of slasher killer. Unlike the previously mentioned, he is dead (or perhaps undead is a better term) from the beginning of the movie series. He kills you in your dreams. Freddy is commonly identified by his burnt disfigured face, red and green striped sweater, brown fedora hat, and trademark metal-clawed leather glove. Creator Wes Craven claims his inspiration for the basis of Krueger's power stemmed from several stories in the LA Times about a series of mysterious deaths: all the victims had reported recurring nightmares beforehand, and died in their sleep. Robert Englund (who played Freddy) has expressed that he feels that the deeper meaning behind the character is that he represents neglect, particularly the neglect that children and teens are sometimes subject to when growing up. He was last seen (or at least his winking head was) at the end of Freddy Vs. Jason. It was time to answer the question "who would win if...". During a battle with the villain from the Friday the 13Th series, Freddy is decapitated by Jason's machete. Right before the credits roll, the eyes open, and Freddy winks at the camera. This story is far from over as yet another Vs. movie is in the works.

The Monsters are the characters from horror movies that are supposed to scare the pants off of you! A horror movie can't exist without them, these films can't anyway. They get our heart racing, our limbs flailing, and our scream-hoarse voices yelling "TURN AROUND! TURN AROUND!" Or don't. Whatever the case may be (there's your Lost reference for now). The bad guys are more than characters from horror movies that would do harm to an attractive young co-ed. The BEST villains, those that really inspire fear in movie-goers, touch something deep inside of the audience. It may be a childhood fear of the dark, an aversion to bugs or a wariness of "What was that?". These guys are there to show us that sometimes we don't want to know. Usually we have long forgotten the days when we made Dad check under the bed before we could get to sleep or had to ensure that the closet door was not open even a crack because some creepy specter could slink into our bedroom. What about those strange-shaped shadows cast on the wall at night that looked just like a gnarled hand? Or the toy clown on the chair in your bedroom that you SWEAR is in a different position in the morning than it was in when you went to bed?

For most of us these fears don't carry the same weight as they did when we were 5 years old...but shades of fear remain. The horror movie monsters rekindle those old sources of fright and make them a reality before our very eyes! These may not be classics, they may not be your favorites. They are what they are. The best of their genre.

Absinthe is the aphrodisiac of the self. The green fairy who lives in the absinthe wants your soul. But you are safe with me.

This update is going to be a little different than the last few. This one is much more respectable. Not that all of the other monsters are not to be respected, just they are a little different, shall we say. All of the ones I have already introduced you to (or perhaps re introduced you to) are famous or infamous for either the movie being bad or the acting being bad or editing or whatever. Or maybe nothing is bad about them other than it was a monster from a very low budget film and that is the only reason they are considered “B” movies. The label “B Movie” does not necessarily mean bad. The following group should prove that fact. All of the following are also considered B movie monsters. First up is a Vincent Price classic-


Stylish slaughter, sardonically sinister is THE ABOMINABLE DR. PHIBES. From the opening scene, where an enormous organ, its pipes resplendent in back lit red glass, rises from the floor - an organ playing a jaunty tune, a hooded figure at the keys, gleefully stroking the keys out of sync with the music - we feel we are in familiar territory. However, when that hooded figure descends some steps and winds a great crank, sending into motion a group of jazz-playing robots, and a young lady (clad in a gown likely designed by Busby Berserkly) enters, that the two may dance, we enter the realm of the familiar made weird. Dr. Phibes is gloriously played by Vincent Price. A reverent intent on destroying the people who may or may not have been responsible for his wife's death. He is completely evil, but guess who you'll be cheering for during the whole film. The fact that Vincent Price has fun with the “in” jokes particularly the ones about the painting and him picking out the right ingredients for his locust tempting ooze almost makes this a black comedy. One could make an argument for calling it just that. This was Price’s 100Th film believe it or not. The tag line is also ingenious: “Love means never having to say you're ugly!”. I don't know if The Abominable Doctor Phibes is my all time favorite Vincent Price movie, but if it's not, then it's damn close. I wouldn't be exaggerating in even the least little bit if I said that this film is a pure work of art. There's no other way to say it. I can't recommend this film enough, and if you're looking for a simply incredible movie to stay up late with, then this is the one. If you don't already own this film, do yourself a favor and get it. You won't be sorry.


The Creature from the Black Lagoon was made a year after The Beast From 20,000 Fathoms (1953). The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms was a big success that created a vogue for prehistoric/dinosaur and atomically enlarged monster movies, something that became one of the most predominant themes of 1950s science-fiction. The Creature from the Black Lagoon is clearly an attempt to tap that success. Although it is relatively rarity among these films in that it bypasses the idea of a giant-size monster and brings the monster down to human-size. The design of the Creature was supposedly modeled on the Oscar statuette, would you believe. It was originally shot in 3D and is sometimes shown in that format in revival screenings today. Seen flat the film is a rather ordinary monster movie, distinguished somewhat by Jack Arnold’s camerawork. However seen in its original 3D format that same monster movie is transformed into a work of extraordinary atmosphere with the 3D allowing some stunning depth photography. The lagoon becomes a world of mesmerizing albeit sinister atmosphere. The smooth mirrored waters that the camera glides over seem to hold dark and menacing secrets. Even the scenes in the creature’s grotto manage to transform a rather cardboard-looking set into an eerie netherworld. But the best sequences of all are those swimming beneath the waters. It has a genuinely real look, as though one is there – which of course the camera actually is. The underwater ballet between the creature and Julia Adams is the best scene in the film even when seen flat, but in 3D it is absolutely spellbinding. When the camera looks up from underwater at Julia Adams swimming, it seems as though she is floating in sunlight. The Creature from the Black Lagoon was an even bigger success than The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms and spawned two sequels both of which are worthwhile. CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON was one of the last of the monsters to enter the Universal pantheon. The Creature costume is one of the best monster costumes to come out of the 50s. If you haven't seen CREATURE FROM THE BLACK LAGOON, put it on your must-see list. If you have, why not introduce it to a new generation? Get a bunch of kids together, order a pizza and make popcorn, then show them what good monster movies used to be like.


A prehistoric monster that was reincarnated by the Pacific Nuclear Tests. He/She becomes extremely angry when the reality that the rest of the species is extinct, meaning no mating season. Finally stopped by the oxygen destroyer weapon. Yep, Godzilla. I don’t know exactly how many movies there are starring our Jurassic Grandparent but I have seen most of them. The first original (meaning the first one from 1955 without Raymond Burr) Gojira is far superior to the Americanized version “Godzilla King of the Monsters“. For some reason (face and name recognition read: star power, I guess ) the American distributors of the original Godzilla movie would not release it in the states without adding the scenes with Raymond Burr and changing some of the story through the translation of the dialogue. Having seen both versions, I don’t see the point except for them wanting someone we (as Americans) would relate to. It was the early ’50’s don’t forget. Aside from this film some of the better films in the series, in my opinion, are: GODZILLA VS. MOTHRA, GOZILLA: FINAL WARS, GODZILLA VS. KING GHIDORA, AND GODZILLA VS. MONSTER ZERO. Just about any Godzilla movie you can’t go wrong with. That is as long as it’s not the 2000 movie made here in the states. That one is so awful, in fact, that in Godzilla: Final Wars Godzilla must fight a monster very similar to the “Godzilla” from Godzilla 2000. In Final Wars that monster is not called Godzilla, it‘s called GINO. GINO stands for Godzilla In Name Only. The Godzilla used in Godzilla 2000 was CGI and not a very good one either. The only and hopefully last time it will be CGI. Every other Godzilla has been, of course, a man in a rubber suit. As it should be.


In 1951, moviegoers filled their popcorn bags for two influential films destined to define science fiction movies into the 21st century. In The Day The Earth Stood Still, a Christ-like man from space, on a mission to save us from our "petty squabbling" and "strange, unreasoning attitudes," is besieged by trigger-happy, paranoid militarists before appealing to the superior minds of Earth's scientists, then flies away having given us food for thought. Meanwhile, all namby-pamby First Contact niceties were torched to the ground in The Thing from Another World, where the worst way to deal with its flying saucer pilot is to let the eggheads trump our men in uniform in the name of some fatally wrongheaded "communication" and "understanding." This taut and entertaining thriller is to The Day the Earth Stood Still what Alien is to Star Trek, or the Rolling Stones to the Beatles. Although it hasn't aged quite as robustly as the nostalgia surrounding it, The Thing from Another World remains on many Top Ten favorites lists and still stands tall as one of the seminal influences in genre cinema. It's the prototype for most subsequent SF-horror hybrids, from It! The Terror from Beyond Space to Alien, Predator, and, naturally, John Carpenter's The Thing, which revisited the same source material — John W. Campbell, Jr.'s novella "Who Goes There?" — with memorably unnerving visual effects. Christian Nyby received the director credit, though it's an open secret that the man at the controls was the film's producer, Howard Hawks, whose Hollywood creds at the time included Bringing Up Baby, His Girl Friday, Sergeant York (which a soldier in this movie makes a joke about), To Have and Have Not, and The Big Sleep. Nyby had been one of Hawks' editors and needed a directing credit for union reasons, so Hawks gave Nyby, who directed only one brief scene, the marquee spot. The film's strengths are pure Hawks; the snappy pace, strong scenes, rat-a-tat overlapping dialogue, and relaxed, natural performances from actors playing well-delineated professionals who must work together to get the job done. The script is peppered with crackling quot ables. "What if it can read our minds?" asks a soldier, to which another replies, "He'll be real mad when he gets to me." The sum total gives us a film that still displays greater panache than many of its contemporaries, sci-fi or otherwise. The only weak link is the appearance of the Thing itself, which might as well have doubled as a Hammer Films Frankenstein's Monster. Wisely, Hawks keeps it in the shadows or framed snarling in doorways. It fully reveals itself only at the climax, where the crackle-pop of the moment prevents its cheapskate looks from disintegrating the tension and atmosphere. "Starring James Arness as The Thing" now trumpets the unforgivable DVD box art. The man who in just four more years would become a household name as Gunsmoke's Marshal Matt Dillon was obviously unsuccessful in his attempts to distance himself from his second most well-remembered role.

Lon Chaney, Sr. gives a legendary performance in The Phantom Of The Opera as well as making an everlasting horrifying spectacle of himself. The make-up and elaborate sets are truly to be held in awe, even by today's standards. The basic contortions he forced upon his own face made for a disturbing and, at times frightening monster of a man. This is particularly true when mixed into the brilliant unveiling scene, which we have all seen a hundred times. This unveiling is as striking today as it was back then thanks to Chaney’s efforts. The rare use of two-strip Technicolor brings dazzling effect to the incomparable masquerade ball scene. Sit back and enjoy the silent and definitive film version of a classic monster fable that sound, technology and time have yet to top. I’m talking about the original 1925 version. Still the best version. I assume the age of the film and the fact it is a silent movie helps to make the film an easily ignored masterpiece of horror.

There are far worse things awaiting man than death

Well, if it’s a Saturday in October, then it must be time for another visit from the B-Movie Parade of freaks.

That’s a darn big scorpion. Huge invertebrate that escaped from underground caverns after a series of earthquakes in Mexico. Originally it was accompanied by a number of smaller creatures (smaller is a relative term, the runt of the litter was still twenty feet long). Since the local building codes of the time more than likely contained references to “thatch” and “mud” there is a high probability of widespread damage from the earthquakes. The stop-motion scorpions were nicely done and created by Willis O'Brien (the same man who animated "King Kong" and inspired Ray Harryhausen, you philistine). Other effects used, including a superimposed image that was less than convincing and silly shots of a salivating scorpion "face," tended to elicit guffaws since it drools worse than a phlegmatic bulldog. Some footage ended up being reused more than was prudent, like the train passing the same set of hills four or five times. Enjoyable though and I really did feel sorry for the telephone repairman. “Every other horror you have seen on the big screen will pale in comparison to The Black Scorpion" read the tag line. Oh, ha ha, I see what they did there, pale in comparison, ha ha. Black opposite of pale. Man, were they clever back in the '50's.

It! The Terror from Beyond Space. Is actually an alien from Mars. It! Is actually a guy in a rubber suit. It! Loves the taste of human blood. It! The story that inspired the movie Alien and other modern science fiction classics. The movie studio told the viewers of the movie it would give $50,000 by a world renowned insurance company to the first person who can prove that "It" is not on Mars now! It Breathes.. It Hunts.. It Kills!! He looks almost like some kind of a South American pagan god statue or something. He's big and he's pretty slow most of the time. Bullets, radiation, and fire all have little to no effect on him, and he just generally walks around acting like a big brute in his eternal quest to beat people to death so that he can drain them of all their bodily fluids. This movie shows a good example of people not following The Movie Monster Rule #1: Never irritate a monster that you can't kill. You'll only end up making things worse for yourself. Ninnies!
The Ymir in all honesty, this, the "monster," in 20 Million Miles To Earth is the protagonist. Taken from its home planet of Venus, the creature eats sulfur (I don’t want to imagine what his farts are going to smell like later!) and is docile unless poked (or allowed to fart near an open flame). It only wants to be left alone, but people and dogs insist on doing the one thing that annoys a Ymir. That is right; they poke it. The film shows us that the best way to poke something that does not like to be poked is with a wooden pole. That's just a little FYI in case you were wondering. I genuinely felt sorry for the Ymir (it is never called that in the film, but this is its name). Watching "20 Million Miles to Earth" when I was young, it was sad when the creature fell from atop the ancient Roman structure and laid still amidst the broken stone. This is some of Ray Harryhausen's best work. For those of you who aren't Harryhausen enthusiasts, if you were ever planning on becoming one, this would be an excellent film to start with. Pretty much all of Harryhausen's films are incredible to watch, but for overall quality of acting, effects, cinematography, lighting, and everything else, you just can't beat 20 Million Miles to Earth.

The general plot of the movie Plan 9 From Outer Space seems to be about aliens that wish to destroy Earth before we discover a bomb which explodes sunlight. I think. Here’s a list of some of the interesting cast of characters:

Colonel Edwards - Officially, flying saucers do not exist. That is why the Army needs an officer in charge of flying saucer defense. The Army is like that.

Ghoul Man - Bela Lugosi! Old fellow killed when he walks into traffic and resurrected as an undead chiropractor.

Vampire Girl - Vampira! Former wife of the Ghoul Man (when alive). I do not believe that she died of natural causes. My guess is that she fell and stabbed herself in the heart with a fingernail.

Inspector Clay - Tor! Heavyset policeman who is killed by Vampire Girl. Resurrected for use as a giant fly eating zombie.

Eros - Member of a highly advanced alien race, but he fails to think ahead on several occasions and gets blown to bits at the end because of it.

Tanna - Eros' assistant who forgot to recharge the flying saucer's fire extinguisher and also is blown to bits.

This film is one of the greatest bad movies ever made. I have viewed "Plan 9 from Outer Space" on numerous occasions. What makes this a legend and an icon among the multitudes of bad movies? That it is entertaining, despite (or because of) all its faults, must be a significant reason. People watch films to be entertained. Ed Wood's masterpiece is definitely entertaining. Open with Criswell, staring intently at the camera. He immediately delivers an imperative monologue that is pure genius. There is no way I could say those same lines without collapsing in laughter, but Criswell powers through the hilarious dialog like a man experiencing rapture. This is serious! Grave robbers from outer space are waiting for us in the future! Do you have the fortitude to believe me or is mankind doomed by your narrow mindedness? Listen! Good grief, but that opening is the exact preface needed for a movie like "Plan 9 from Outer Space." When you see the aliens, they also become a source of entertainment. Eros and Tanna are dressed like characters from a high school production of "Peter Pan" (if both of them were playing Peter). Needless to say, a pair of adults wearing such attire is an oddity, even in California. We then find out that using the dead as mindless killers is "Plan 9" in the standard operational handbook. I would presume that the previous eight options were even less effective than using three zombies to depopulate a planet of three billion. This movie made me realize that spacecraft developed by advanced aliens are unable to fly without wobbling. Also, apparently, sunlight is flammable.

Some interesting bits of trivia:

The film was funded by a Baptist church, the entire cast let themselves be baptized before filming.

Bela Lugosi died four days after shooting began Wood abandoned the project and rewrote the script to accommodate all the footage shot in a cemetery and outside Tor Johnson's house in the new production. Bela Lugosi's part was taken over by Tom Mason, Wood's wife's chiropractor, who was significantly taller than Lugosi, and played the part with a cape covering his face. A video release, making note of the actor's death before production began, lists on the cassette box, "Almost Starring Bela Lugosi".

The scar worn by actor Tor Johnson had to be moved every day, as it caused severe skin irritation.

Wood's original title for the film was "Grave Robbers from Outer Space", but the Baptist ministers who financed the film objected to that title, so he changed it to "Plan 9" (never making any reference at all to what the previous eight plans were). Which brings us to…

Oh Boy! I don’t know where to start on this one. Perhaps one of the movies tag lines will help: “Incredible! Unbelievable! Told the untamed way! In intriguing 2-D!” WTF? When this film came out, it was so universally scorned and derided by reviewers that director Phil Tucker found it impossible to get any further work in the film business at all. Depressed and dejected, and believing that his acrimonious relationship with the film's producers resulted in their blackballing him in the industry, he attempted suicide by shooting himself. He missed. Oh for fuck’s sake, it's a dude in a gorilla suit and a space helmet. I don't even know what more to say. This is the basic idea of the film: Fearing that the humans had become too intelligent and fearing a future attack, the Ro-Man's (that’s the race of aliens that our monster represents) launch a preemptive strike against the Earth. All life is destroyed except for one small family of survivors. Can they find a way to defeat this seeming indestructible horror from the depths of space? Will the monster Ro-Man find love with the human girl Alice? Will dinosaurs roam the earth again? Will this movie ever make any sense? Just wait and see... This movie is so nonsensical that it makes “Plan 9” look brilliant. This movie had a director, it had editors, it had producers. All of whom, I suppose, were trying to make a decent movie that made sense and was scary. No wonder the director tried to kill himself. Talk about stealing money in Hollywood. They all got pay checks for this one. I don’t think I was supposed to laugh in bewilderment as much as I did. Ladies and gentlemen, this is cheese. What's worse, this cheese is cheap!

"We all go a little mad sometimes." -Norman Bates

I was given a short respite, but it seems the parade has resumed. Today, we have some very rare if not ridiculous monsters to introduce you to. I won't delay the inevitable any longer than I have to.

First up from Angry Red Planet, we have the infamous Batratspidercrab. Well that's what I call it. You say it a few times as you look at the monster and you'll soon not only agree with me that it should be called a Batratspidercrab but you'll enjoy saying it as much as I do! I can't tell you everything that is wrong with this film but I can tell you a few things. First thing about this movie is during the parts where the astronauts are flying to mars (it only takes them two months to get there, was the rocket made by Lamborghini?) they are walking around the ship as if they were on a movie studio. Oh, well I guess they were but you know what I mean, and the reason they claim is because they are moving so fast under "constant acceleration" that the laws of gravity do not apply. OK, whatever. The Pentagon had screen doors. When the rocket lands it looks exactly like a rocket taking off. Only in reverse. Try not to let the fact that there are palm trees on mars disturb you. The only thing I like about this movie is the Batratspidercrab monster. The 40-foot alien monster was actually a marionette about 15 inches high. The reason the monster looks like it does is because the film was almost released in black and white to cut costs. When a reel of the black and white film accidentally came out double-exposed, showing a shimmering, proto-psychedelic glare, the director chose to have all of the black and white scenes developed that way but tinted purple, because it looked weird enough and it helped camouflage the disappointingly cheap Martian monsters and scenery.
The Creeping Eye or The Crawling Eye or The Trollenberg Terror or whatever you want to call it (it was originally filmed in Europe, the version I saw called it The Creeping Eye on the DVD box but in the credits it was The Trollenberg Terror. Go fig. This thing is actually kinda cool. Too bad the same can't really be said for the movie it got stuck in. If I was this creature, I'd look for a new agent. The Crawling Eyes come down from the Swiss Alps and terrorize the earth. The Eyes hide in the fog-shrouded cloud of mist and kills its victims by decapitation. I guess this is the best darn giant killer eyeball from space movie ever. But how many of them are there? It should be mentioned that this was the inaugural film for Mystery Science Theater 3000. One thing to take away from this film for the rest of your life: Do not open a backpack that is just lying around on a mountainside, odds are there's a head in it.
Well, that's just a picture of a bush. Not the George double U type. Actually, it's The Creeping Terror - Ahhhh! A hideous monster from outer space! It's coming after me, crawling, lurching its way down the hill! Look at it! See how it hungers for my flesh as it drags itself inexorably closer! (Growing bored.) Yup, still coming. Holy Christ, this might be the slowest monster in history. Ever! Some describe the monster as a killer rug and that is pretty accurate. I don't know where the film was supposed to take place, wherever the sun is directly overhead at 5:30 AM is where it was, I just don't know where that happens.
Now, for this one you have to suspend you penchant for disbelief. Just pretend that the following can happen: Giant killer bunny rabbits. In an effort to develop a method of disrupting rabbit reproduction, zoologist Roy Bennett (Stuart Whitman) begins injecting rabbits with hormones and genetically mutated blood resulting in giant man eating rabbits. Now this film has some star power. DeForrest Kelly (yes, from Star Trek, him, not the mustache, see the film if you wanna know what I mean.) and Janet Leigh. But even they can't help this one. I mean c'mon, a horde of giant rabbits? With names like "Babs the Destroyer" and "Ginger the Merciless," how bent on world domination can they be? Night of the Lepus is flawed in many ways. It is entertaining, despite everything (a large bottle of vodka helps even more, right Cerpts?). This is because the movie is presented in a perfectly serious manner. They really wanted to scare or worry people with the possibility that huge rabbits could wreak havoc. I must admit that their true size is hard to ascertain. Sometimes it looks like they might be the size of a mastiff, but in the next scene the furry friggers appear larger than a minivan. Nor does anyone ever explain why they turn carnivorous or what they were eating before the rampage. The amount of food a few hundred giant rabbits would consume is no small matter. I just know that, somewhere lost on the editing room floor, there is a scene with a farmer staring at a thousand acres of ravaged carrots and spinach and wondering, "What in the Hell is going on here?" Either way, the phrase "rabbit in the hen house" just does not have the same ring to it. One thing you can clearly notice is the first objective of any rabbit invasion is to destroy communications. Slaughtering the populace and cutely twitching their noses comes later.
Our final visitor today is The Slime People. Classic b-movies seem almost regal, though sometimes regal is a syphilis laden sovereign slobbering over the decapitated remains of his last wife, just ask the British. (Glad I got that out of my system.) The Slime People are going to conquer the world with an amazing machine that creates a special "slime fog." The slime people are a race of people forced from their subterranean homes due to nuclear testing. Aren't they all? At the end of the movie we find out we have been fooled all along. They are not "slime" people, they are "slug" people. Guess that's why they are easily killed by table salt. The tag line "Up from the bowels of the earth!" was right on the money, but not the way they meant it to mean. Here is my comments while watching the first five minutes of the film: "Well now that's unusual. The first thing we see in the movie is one of the slime people coming up from an underground elevator and another coming up above ground through a manhole. Now that's just bizarre. Most movies make you wait until at least half way through before you get a good look at the creatures. After we see those two emerge, we see a bunch of footprints on the beach leading up to a guy laying there dead with a spear through him. Not sure what that's about but then we get to watch the opening credits with a catchy Pink Panther cartoon type tune playing in the background." Folks, it's a bad sign if you see the monster within the first minute of the film. Don't worry though, you get to see that scene of them coming up from the ground a few times. The exact same scene.

Your suffering will be legendery, even in hell

Apparently the B Movie Monster Mobile broke down somewhere near here and there has been a regular parade of weirdos traipsing around my house. So let me introduce you to some of the latest whack-a-doo's that I have had to put up with.

No, it's not an atomic carrot out for world domination, but it might as well be. This could be an early prototype for Sigmund and the Sea Monsters or it might be the Kool Aid guy gone wrong. Well, guess I don't have to take many jabs at It Conquered the World, that would be like shooting fish in a barrel. But I do it anyway. I mean just look at it! Let's move on.
Or not. Here is the driftwood demon. That's right the monster is made of wood. According to the natives it's actually called Tabonga, whatever the hell that means. He's not as funny as the cosmic carrot nor is he as disturbing as the talking trees from Oz. Tabonga is nicely imaginative, in fact, until it is called upon to move, and then it... well, it looks like somebody wearing a sheet of sculpted foam for Christ's sake. Whoever is inside the suit is forced to move very stiffly (only fair if you're supposed to be made of wood, I guess) and the few times when he attempts to bend over to pick up a victim are truly pathetic. We must rely instead on the quick cutaway, during which the victim magically flies into the Tabonga's arms. Still, if you see only one walking killer tree movie this year, this one should probably be it. Moving on...
...to a giant googly eyed turkey. Actually what it's suppose to be is (I hope you're ready for this) A GIGANTIC ANTIMATTER SPACE BUZZARD, HEHEHEHEHE! (I get the giggles every time saying that.) Scientists discover why the bird is impervious to our weapons, it generates a antimatter shield! Oh yes! And it came to Earth to nest! Oh yes! Well, the concept was not arrived upon by a infinite number of monkeys after a infinite amount of time. I believe there was one retarded lemur with two or three etch-a-sketches. Here's a few things I've learned from this movie which is called The Giant Claw by the way: A dead man can walk and "scoot over." New Jersey seems to breed giant birds, or at least people think so. Scientific instruments explode when they don't work. It looks like the vulture played by Frank Gorshin in Rudolph's shiny New Year now that I look at it again. And giggle.
Bumbler... what happened? Oh no! Everyone run! It's the Killer Shrews. That's right, it's a horde of dogs wearing carpet remnants and they are eating everything. Supposedly they are giant rodents created by an experiment gone wrong. I shouldn't have to explain how funny it is to watch somebody scream in terror at a Collie wearing carpet remnants. The pooch is obviously doing the "happy dog" and expecting a belly rub in half these scenes, it's just good stuff. And finally that takes us to...
Now when you first look at this you probably think it's an octopus destroying the Golden Gate Bridge, well you would be half right. It is the bridge in San Francisco, but it's not an octopus, it's a sextapus. To cut costs for the movie the director had effects people cut off two of the legs. Here's the deal; An "Octopus" that has undergone an atomic mutation now attacks San Francisco and comes to prey on man instead of fish. Boy Roy Harryhausen movies have pretty much one plot. Something terrorizes someone somewhere, killing a few people, a couple scientists work with the military and develop a weapon which eventually destroys the thing, and someone falls in love with someone else (but usually not the monster or whatever).

I don't know about you but this type of thing has to stop. They are hell on the carpet.

If you gaze for long into the abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.

We are quickly approaching the time of all things concerning death and the dying. Eternal midnight. It's twelve o'clock. Everyone knows that the Witching Hour is when all the monsters come out. Unfortunately I think all the good ones were taken and I got stuck with a whole bunch of bargain basement "B" monsters. Maybe even further into the alphabet than that. You decide:
Well, see right off of jump street we have a problem. Let me introduce you to The Deadly Mantis. Just like the little ones, only bigger and well, deadly. How do you think it got it's name? A volcanic eruption in the Antarctic of “equal but opposite reaction” near the North Pole causes a glacier to crumble, releasing a long frozen giant praying mantis. Apparently they grow them big up there. Beware, for the terror can fly! This was the day that the world was engulfed in terror!
Whatever the hell that thing is, it's just plain wrong I want you to know upfront. The fiends in Fiend Without A Face looks like something horribly wrong happened during the course of a perfectly good seafood dinner. Creeping, crawling human brain monsters that were first invisible. Why couldn't they stay that way? The byproduct of thought-control experiments. The "Fiends" are brain-shaped monsters with spinal-cord tails. The Fiends attack and suck out their victims’ brains and spinal columns through two holes at the base of the skull. Sweet Mother of Pearl! Fiend Without A Face is said to have had quite a few influential parts for George A. Romeros Night of the Living Dead. Released about 10 years later in 1968.
No, sorry, this is not what happens when there is a radiation leak at the dog groomers. This is The Monster That Challenged The World! Bum bum bum! What it really is, is a giant, prehistoric sea mollusks at the bottom of California's Salton Sea. A underwater earthquake and atomic testing that left traces of radioactive materials awaken these giant prehistoric mutated mollusks. Told you it had something to do with a radiation leak! These blood sucking mollusks are hungry for human juices and will hunt for you on land or in the water. They also allow me to say "human juices" and not be considered filthy, until now. This terrifying monster masterpiece was inspired by the true story of prehistoric shrimp eggs that were reconstituted after millions and millions of years. Who does that?
Here's lookin' at you, uh, Gor, is it? The Brain from Planet Arous features two brains, one of them good (Vol) and the other bad (Gor). Evil Gor wants to destroy the Earth and quickly takes over the mind of a scientist to further his plans. Vol turns up to put a stop to Gor's meddling. Now Vol is definitely the smarter of the pair. He takes a look at John Agar (who plays Steve, the scientist) and realises that the family dog is a better vehicle for its intergalactic intelligence. Not only can the dog act but it doesn't exact immediate laughter from viewers who have seen John Agars previous films. The brains are floating balls with slightly googly eyes, they might have super intelligence and the ability to transfer themselves to other living beings but they look silly. As for personality Gor is decidedly lecherous, hankering after Sally Fallon (Joyce Meadows) but naturally failing to impress her with his talk of world domination because Sally is a nice girl and not into that kind of thing. She's not overly keen on being felt on up on lawn chair by the brain zapped Steve either. Considered to be one of the worlds worst movies. What makes it unmissable if you love B-movies like myself is the fact that there are clearly visible wires holding up the brains, that the aircraft are obviously models and other such failings are all part of the charm. It's a shame that the ending feels so rushed, there's a definite feeling that the budget ran out so the ending was quickly put together. "It will steal your body and damn your soul!" Indeed!
Look! It's the monster that can hold a dozen hot dogs in it's mouth. Well that's what it looks like to me. Actually it's The Horror of Party Beach. Yeah!!! I almost feel like the Muppet Show theme should play now. Who isn't a fan of blood-drinking mutant sea monsters? Atomic waste leaks from an undersea barrel and causes human skeletons to transform into blood-drinking mutant sea monsters. Weird Fact: How do you kill a mutant monster from the bottom of the salt watered ocean? Pour salt on them and make them explode of course. Huh? Yeah, that's where the movie lost me too. The Horror of Party Beach was billed as the "First Horror Monster Musical" and had six songs from the The Del-Aires: Drag; Joyride; You Are Not A Summer Love; Elaine; Just Wigglin' and Wobblin'; The Zombie Stomp. 'Cause when it's time to party, they party hard.