There's No Place Like Home

When most people watch TV they do so because of the nickname it has been given, "the idiot box". Meaning that anyone can sit down and find something that appeals to them, no matter who they are or their chosen walk of life. When you talk about LOST and it's faithful viewers, this can't apply. The writers and producers of the show expect a certain level of intelligence from it's viewers. At this point, nearly four years into the show, it's quite obvious LOST was not made for the casual viewer. Not that it doesn't get it's fair share. If you are one of the faithful you know who the casual viewers are. They are the ones you have to explain everything that happened in an episode to the next day. You may even be one of them yourself, but if you were you wouldn't be reading this, now would you? Every episode of LOST is an event, to me and I'm sure many of it's viewers. A season finale episode of LOST is epic. Let's face it; the produces, writers, directors, and cast know how to do a season finale right. This years was no different. It was certainly better than most of the crap they put in movie theaters these days and charge you ten bucks to see and you got to see it for free in your living room just wearing your skivvies.






We pick up this year where we left off last year with Jack yelling to Kate "we have to go back!" Kate brakes hard and puts it in reverse and everyone but Jack can figure out Kate has had enough. Jack is hoping Kate is getting out of the car to agree with him but she questions Jack - "Who do you think you are?" She is pissed about Jack showing her the obit, pissed that he expected her to go to the funeral, and pissed that he wants her to go back to the island. She tells Jack "he" came to talk to her and she knew he was crazy and then says that Jack believes him. Jack tells her it was the only way to keep her and Aaron safe. Kate responds to this with a slap upside the head! That slap had been bottled up for quite some time and Jack knows and accepts it. She then tells Jack that she has spent the last three years (so that puts us in 2007 I guess?) trying to forget all the awful things that happened the day they left. Unlike LOST in the past, it would have taken us several episodes to see what she was talking about but thanks to the ending deadline and the writers strike, we get it all in one episode. Okay two if you count the first hour of the finale, but you get the idea. We're streamlined now folks. This flash forward set the table for what this episode would show. Exactly what happened the day the O6 left the island.





"What's the plan Sundance?" Sawyer and Jack arrive at the orchid and you gotta love how even though the two hardly ever see eye to eye, Sawyer and Jack still know they can trust each other when they have to. Women issues aside. The two spot Hurley who seems to have his hands full at the moment. Would you like your Dharma burger with or without whiz on it? Hurley is happy to see Sawyer and there is an odd moment between Jack and Hurley. Not sure what that was but it sort of seemed out of place in some way, even though we know some of the future interactions between the two.

Desmond, Jin, and Michael are doing their best Moe, Larry, and Curly impressions as they go through all the ways they could blow up the bomb before it's supposed to. We will not explode the freighter before it's time. Someone call Orson Wells, I think this bomb was made by Paul Masson!

Locke's in the greenhouse looking as confused as a kid in Harlem on Father's Day while trying to find the elevator. Realizing he doesn't exactly have a green thumb, he asks Sawyer and Hurley to excuse him and Jack. Jack basically tells Locke to save his breath he's going back to the chopper now that they found Hurley. Hurley "Dude"'s Jack the news about Keamy and Ben and the chopper which makes Jack more interested in what Locke has to say.





Keamy wants to know why Widmore is so interested in Ben. Apparently Widmore paid Keamy a lot of money to bring Ben back alive. Guess this means he didn't pay a lot of money to keep Alex alive? Ben asks Keamy if he was told by Widmore to kill his daughter. Ben wasn't asking as a way to make Keamy feel bad for killing Alex, he genuinely wanted to know. Perhaps this was one of the "rules" Widmore and Ben had between them. Not killing innocent relatives or loved ones. Now somehow Widmore has figured out a way to usurp this rule. Is this what Ben meant by "he changed the rules", that for some reason Keamy was the way Widmore was able to do this. I would loved to have heard Keamy's answer but like many questions that have been asked in the past, this one too will go unanswered. For now at least. The newest Other spoils Keamy's chance of answering Ben's question by running out of the jungle. We know her better as Kate, as she tells Keamy she is being chased by Ben's people. Ben knows the ambush is on and Kate is the bait. Hey that rhymes. As Keamy sends out his drones to scan the area, the robot from Lost In Space that is keenly disguised as the whispers begin to announce the coming "Danger, Danger, Danger, Will Robinson!". Well it did in another version of this show in an alternate reality I imagined. This scene reflected the end of season two when the whispers once again had heralded an Others ambush. That time it was the ambush on the group that was going with Michael. The whispers are created by the island but they were definitely working to help the Others as the whispers came from behind Keamy and his men. Not sure if the whispers have purposely helped the Others before but this time it was shown that that is exactly what they were doing here. Now the freighter goons have guns, attack rifles and what have you. The normal list of mercenary weapons at hand, but the Others kick it old school. They jump out of trees and crack a neck or two. They use whips or whatever that Indiana Jones thing was the one guy used to trip up one of Keamy's guys. Yeah they have some guns, we've seen that but the Others don't always need them. They got the best equalizer there is, talk about your home field advantage. We got darts in the neck! I actually cheered when the zappy thing got the one guy this time. I'm not sure if they are running out of extras on this show or what because the guy who shoots the zappy thing sure did look like Sawyer to me. Kate starts to direct Ben as she tells him to make a break for it and to stay close. Keamy can bend it like Beckham as he soccer kicks a grenade ... right under his own guy. Being true to LOST's history of being ironic, Ben is the one to take a header in the forest as the mad man stalks close behind. Not the woman this time, who happens to end up being the one who goes back after Ben. When I read the reports that originally before the pilot episode was filmed Kate was supposed to be the main hero in LOST and not Jack, I always doubted if it would have worked. This scene made me think otherwise. But it's interesting that Kate is helping Ben, I mean hasn't she spent a hundred or so days running from the same people she is now working with? "Run Kate, Run!" Indeed! Sayid and Keamy have a "rumble in the jungle" signifying Sayid's turn to Otherdom is now complete as well. This was a frigging brawl! When Keamy got the upper hand I don't think Sayid would have been done for without Alpert's help. It was sort of anticlimactic in that we knew Sayid was going to make it one way or another. Not that Alpert's help wasn't appreciated. After Keamy takes three shots to the back Ben asks Richard what the deal was. Did you notice the tension between those two when they greeted each other? They both seemed a bit aggravated with each other but remained civil. Was it possible that Ben knew all along that somehow he would have to turn the "frozen donkey wheel" and even though Ben harbors some resentment for it, he can't fully blame Alpert but can't fully forgive the fact either? Alpert also realizing that it is partially his fault that Ben is in this predicament for recruiting Ben to the Other's side, couldn't allow Ben to go down to the freighters and still feels a little obligation toward Ben. Anyway, the deal is they let Kate and Sayid go in return for their helping free Ben. For a group of people that will kill, torture, kidnap, and any other type of horrible thing necessary, they feel obligated to keep a deal. Maybe that's part of their "Book Of Laws" that they must go by. Kate and Sayid didn't seem to think that Alpert and Ben would go along with the deal, guess they had no choice with the Others regardless. Their leap of faith is rewarded when Ben told them they could have the chopper and could leave the island. Or was it? There was also a sort of comic irony as this time it was Kate releasing Ben from a set of handcuffs. Wonder if Sawyer would have gone to get Ben some ointment for the scratches he got from the handcuffs like Tom did for Kate?





Hugo's still stuffing his face with candy back at the mental institute as Walt's grandmother asks him "Are you dangerous?" Could you maybe show me someone who looks less dangerous than Hurley? "I'm sorry, do I know you?" Hurley asks her, which it's pretty obvious that she doesn't. Especially if she thinks our shaggy ghost whisperer could be dangerous, without a Dharma van around that is. Ladies and gentlemen presenting Non-ghost Walt...now even taller (backgammon play set sold separately). Yeah, Kobe Bryant disguised as Walt comes over and sits down. This was a sad scene. He tells Hurley he was waiting for someone to come and see him but nobody did. Little old for the whiny kid with the hurt feelings act aren't you Walt? Walt tells Hurley that Jeremy Bentham (who I will touch on later) did come to see him. He asks Hurley why everyone is lying. Hurley tells Walt that it's the only way to protect everyone that didn't come back. "Like my dad.", Walt says. Hurley confirms this with the same look he had when the cop asked him about knowing Anna Lucia. Hurley is not only bad at lying, it hurts him to even do it and it shows. This scene can put to rest the "Abbaddon is a grown up Walt" theory circulating around, I hope. Significant here is the fact that Walt appears to be in the dark about everything. Between all the time in room 23 (another mobisode), speaking backward to Shannon, rescuing Locke from the Dharma corpse party. I thought he knew more. I thought Walt would eventually be the one to give us some answers. But yet here he is, forlorn and shrugging, asking a very broken Hurley what the deal is. This is not the Walt from the island. This is not astrally projected wet Walt or taller ghost Walt. This is sad, post-pubescent Walt who must unfortunately go through life without his mom, his dad, or even Vincent, who oddly enough was missing from this years season finale.

Sawyer poo poos away Hurley's explanation that Jack and Locke are talking about leader stuff. Wasn't Sawyer being groomed by Hurley a season ago to be a leader? How fickle! Hurley makes up for it by offering Sawyer a 15 year old saltine that Ben got from a box that he dug up from the ground. Sawyer, seeing the line forming for one of those crackers accepts it quickly. Sawyer is still not fully comfortable in the role of hero and has a hard time accepting Hurley's thanks for coming back for him. He's even less comfortable with Hurley's question about Claire.





At the greenhouse Locke makes one last attempt at getting Jack to stay. We got manly dick waving, we got one upsmanship, we got sour grapes, and we got our latest Man of Science/Man of Faith argument. You have to love the Locke/Jack science and faith arguments. In a scene that makes us think about the scene the two had in the first seasons finale at the hatch, Jack does an even shittier job of supporting his point. This is a surprise given that Jack has the science part of the argument which is usually based in fact. Even Jack is having a hard time staying up to speed with his side of the conflict anymore. Why is Locke doing a better job now than he did in season one or two? He actually has a little more knowledge this time around. All of this going on amongst some of the nicest anthuriums I've ever seen. Locke tells Jack he's going to regret leaving and that he's going to have to lie to protect the island. Locke says the island is the place where miracles happen. Jack doesn't believe in miracles and Jack still doesn't believe Locke about anything. How many times does Jack have to be wrong and Locke not wrong (notice I didn't say right) for Jack to start believing him? I'm starting to believe there really isn't a right or a wrong here. There is what is supposed to be and what is not supposed to be. Locke seems to know some of what is supposed to happen but perhaps he doesn't see the progression from point A to point wherever the end point is. One thing is for sure their is definitely a thing called fate and as we have seen, especially this season, the fate of Jack, Locke, Ben, and just about everyone else on the island cannot be denied. How they get there isn't the islands worry. One way or the other they will get there. And we're along for the ride. Oddly enough as much as we think Locke knows what is supposed to happen, he really doesn't. "Just wait till you see what I'm about to do.", Locke proclaims to Jack, when it wasn't Locke in the end that moved the island but Ben. When Jack says that there is no such thing as miracles (does anyone else think it strange that Jack, a doctor, doesn't believe in miracles? don't they see them on a regular basis in their line of work? or is it the god complex working it's magic on Jack?) Locke promises "we'll just have to see which one of us is right.". Jack greets Ben when he shows up with a gun to the face. "Nice to see you too Jack.", Ben quips. Ben had the best lines this episode. Last season it was Jack who freight trained his way through the finale, this year Ben took the reigns, even if it was the swan song for Ben's relationship with the islands. Ben shakes a pot of anthuriums at Locke to show him what he was looking for as he uncovers the elevator. It was the only plant there in a flower pot, how did Locke not see it? Jack has his interest shortly renewed while he watches Ben open the elevator doors. Ben asks Locke if he's told Jack yet? Locke says he tried. I got the feeling they were talking about two different things there. Locke wanted Jack to stay; Ben did not. Ben tells Jack about the freighter and the chopper. Locke wanted to tell Jack about the Orchid and moving the island. Ben tells Jack he wants to be on the freighter within the hour. An interesting point to be made about that later. As Ben gets on the elevator Locke warns Jack one more time to "lie to them". Jack is the little boy who no matter how many times you tell him not to touch the stove because he is going to get burned he won't understand the concept until he burns himself and learns from experience. Jack has to learn what his bad choices are and the only way to learn is to make them. "If you lie to them half as good as you do to yourself, you'll be okay." Locke got in the parting shot.





Back on the freighter Michael tells Sun about the bomb and quickly glazes over his plan about freezing it. Sun tells Michael she is pregnant and for a second the look on Michael's face made me think he was going to ask; "Is it mine?" There was a Michael and Sun mobisode that made me think they could have had something going. In actuality Sun telling Michael about her pregnancy ended up being as close to an acceptance back into the survivor's family as Michael was going to get. It made Michael (and me as well) remember the early days of the show when Michael and Sun shared a touching friendship before everything went horribly wrong. The smile on his face showed he was glad she was trying to forgive him.






Now we head back to the beach and we see Juliette greeting Daniel who has just returned to the island for another load of passengers. Apparently Juliette just got done getting primped by the hair salon owner who apparently is among the red shirts that are still alive on the island. How else do you explain how good Juliette looked in this episode? Miles and Rose have a short but hilarious exchange concerning a can of peanuts. I for one have warmed up to Miles rather quickly and am looking forward to some great scenes next season between him and Sawyer and the rest of the people still on the island. If this scene between him and Rose is any indication, they will be priceless next year. Miles quickly asserts himself as having the second best lines this episode as Daniel comes over to him and Charlotte. "Something wrong with your neck?" and "Oh, no, you're being very dire." and "What do I mean?" were instant classics but the last one was the most interesting here. Apparently Miles knows Charlotte has been on the island before. He knows it even before Charlotte does.


Abbott and Costello continue their journey to the center of the earth and end up arriving at the heart of the orchid station. All I can say is I am glad I don't pay the light bill for that place as Ben begins to turn on every light in the friggin' place. Locke asks some rookie questions as Ben hands him a video in hopes it will baby sit the new emperor for a few minutes while he does some very important work. "Not now darling, daddy has some important business to take care of." Ben sounds like an irritated father answering juniors pesky questions. Edgar Haliwax makes another appearance this time on orientation 6 of 6. Guess he's done now. He goes on to explain about bunny number 15 and the orchid stations real purpose. If you saw the mobisodes last year, you saw the "making of" for this orientation video and all the turmoil that ensues when an experiment goes wrong. If you didn't see the mobisodes you are not as big of a LOST fan as I thought and should be ashamed. The video and Ben's actions sync up really well as he puts every piece of metal he can find into the vault/chamber place, something Haliwax says should never be done. Locke's reaction to this is priceless and perfectly played by Terry O'Quinn. The video goes on to talk about time travel, the Casimir effect (a real scientific term, believe it or not), and some sort of negatively charged exotic matter (whatever the hell that is). The most important part of the video is really right before it starts to rewind. Listen to Haliwax closely at what he says: "For the briefest of moments the animal will seem to disappear but in reality..." and then the tape starts to rewind all on it's own. Um, excuse me but in reality what? Well, when you make a statment that begins with "but in reality..." the next line has to be "it really doesn't" or "what it really does is..." something like that to contradict the appearance of disappering. Therefore when Ben turns the wheel, the island doesn't move but in reality... "You mean time traveling bunnies? Then yes." The look on Ben's face when he nods at Locke is comic genius. Locke asks Ben if he is expecting someone when the elevator starts up again. Ben asks for his light saber ... er weapon back. And ... Heeeeeeeeeere's Keamy!






We have another LOST reunion type montage when everyone meets back at the chopper. Jack is looking whipped and oozing blood and it is reminiscent of Locke bleeding from the gun shot from last season. Sawyer doesn't like the fact that Kate checks in on Jack's separating seepage or whatever the hell he called it. Sawyer and Kate first exchange some sweet smiles before she makes her way to Jack. "Did he say something to piss you off, freckles?" Sawyer asks Kate. "I didn't kill that one.", she reponds coyly. Sawyer asks the same question I did almost at the same time (we're on the same wave length like that) "Well which one did you kill?", cause you know she killed one of them. I got dibs that she killed the one that got zapped with the electric thingy. Sawyer turns his attention to Lapidus, calling him Kenny Rogers, which was another shout out by the writers to all of us faithfull viewers who thought we saw Kenny Rogers on the boat of Others that took Walt way back in the season one finale. "Saw"yer cuts through the handcuffs binding Lapidus and all aboard the wirly bird of love. Hurley asks Jack about going back for Claire and I think when Jack said "Absolutely.", he knew that was going to end up being a lie. As the chopper takes off all is well in Whoville, for a few minutes anyway. The numbers show up on the tail of the helicopter. The number 15 is on the bunny and it is also the number of years the crackers have been lying around. There is not one misplaced number in the show. If you hear a number chances are it means something. Interestingly something I missed mentioning before, in the 06's press conference they state that they washed up on the inhabited island on day 108.

In the orchid Keamy limps out of the elevator trailing blood behind him. Keamy calls out for Ben and tells him about his little "life insurance policy" gizmo he has strapped to his arm. Why 500 pounds of C-4 and not 600 pounds? Because 600 pounds would be stupid! Even Keamy admits that the bomb would kill a lot of "innocent" people. Saving them isn't a priority to Keamy but still a nice gesture don't you think? Then he goes on and tells Ben how Alex looked as she "bled out". Locke has a meeting with Keamy that sort of resembled the meeting he had with Eko back in season two. It looked like it but was far from it. Locke and Keamy's meeting is cut short as Ben bursts out of a locker(?) and quickly proceeds to put the beat down on Keamy. Interesting to point out that Keamy is killed by a stab wound to the neck. In 3:10 To Yuma Kevin Durand's character is killed off the same way by Russell Crowe. Up until this moment Ben was doing a good job of changing my mind about him being the bad guy. Ben was so adamant to Kate and Sayid and later to Jack about getting on the freighter and then kills Keamy effectively triggering the bomb that is on the freighter. Did he know he was sending them to the doomed freighter? Then when Locke points this out, Ben coldly says "So?"





Charlotte breaks the bad news to Daniel about not leaving the island. She also confirms the fact that she was on the island before. Did Miles jar her memory? What the hell does "still looking for where I was born" mean? At first I thought that maybe this could mean she was Annie. But then I thought about it and I determined she can't be. The age difference is not the thing that did it for me because as we have seen with Alpert, time is relative on and off the island. What did it for me was back in the episode when she first got on the island she was playing around in the water like someone who was happy to be back at her old swimming hole and then Ben pulled the gun and shot her. Not something he would have done to someone he could possibly have loved once upon a time is it? Either way Charlotte has been there before and she now knows that but it doesn't make any sence to Daniel who is sad she won't be leaving the island with him. Daniel does get his consolation prize. A kiss. Juliette still looking fine, tells Daniel she won't be leaving either. It was Jack that said he wasn't going anywhere until he got everyone off the island but it was Juliette that kept the promise. Even if it meant she herself would never get off the island, she was true to her word. The same can't be said for our doc. In fact, when was he ever intending to keep this promise? If you remember after he did the surgery on Ben he was ready and willing to get off the island without anyone other than Juliette. Sure he said he was going to come back for Kate and the rest of the survivors but was he really?

Desmond almost blows up the freighter and after Jin stops him he throws a hissy at Michael who only has a quarter of a tank of nitrogen icy freeze juice stuff left.






On the helicopter Frank notices the gas gauge is dropping fast. With the price of gas in 2008 he should be glad it was only 2004 on the island, of course the Island Sunoco was closed that day as Jack was quick to point out. Sayid checks and sees the leak. A steady stream of liquid... dripping straight down... from a chopper... that is moving how fast? Okay, suspend disbelief a little here will ya? They didn't have the money in the budget or was short on time from the writers strike, give them a break. Instead of having Sayid play the little Iraqi with his finger in the dyke and "plug it up Carrie Ann", Lapidus tells them to start throwing out anything not nailed down. After they throw out all the "needless" stuff that looked to total about 18 pounds, Frank says he would be happier if they were a few hundred pounds lighter. Let's see the camera goes right to Hurley, is that a fat joke? Okay, we know Hurley makes it, so no, not Hurley, not Sayid either, Kate ends up safe, uh, Aaron, nope he's an O6'er, (not really but you know what I'm getting at here). Oh hell, who am I kidding, sing it with me - which one of these is not like the other? We all know Sawyer doesn't get off the island. The idea pops into his mind as grim realization crosses his face and as it does I said "oh no" to myself even though I knew what was coming. Sawyer gives Kate her secret off island job and some have reported that with their high definition sound systems they could decipher what he told Kate and it was-"I have a daughter in Albuquerque. Find her. Tell her I'm sorry." I'll have to take their word on it. Then he jumps out of the chopper. A hundred and some odd days ago Sawyer wouldn't have done that. Not for anyone. But that wasn't Sawyer who jumped out of the chopper. Sawyer died on the Black Rock along with Cooper, Locke's father and the original Sawyer. No, James Ford jumper out of the chopper. We finally get to see the man Sawyer was supposed to be if not for Cooper's actions those so many years ago. The island, for Sawyer, has been a course correction for his life. Cooper made Sawyer, the island remade James Ford and James Ford is a hero. The type of hero that would jump out of a helicopter over the ocean to save his friends. Why? The island told him to. Well not really told him but it put the idea in his head. Why? Because the island knew that Sawyer would be the one thing that would get Kate to agree to come back to the island. In one of the most heroic deeds ranking just under the heroic deed Charlie Pace pulled off at the end of last season with the "Not Penny's Boat" move, James Ford sacrificed himself for the greater good. And Sawyer, just like Charlie, did it with a smile on his face. As Kate watches Sawyer plunge into the ocean she cries for her hero. Knowing now how Sawyer actually came to be left behind, Jack's cruel words to Kate in "Something Nice Back Home" take on a decidedly more dickish quality. This sacrifice that saved his own life is what Jack meant by Sawyer "choosing to stay".